We're all fighting our own battles. But Reddit user Agitated_Island_2982 fears his wife is losing hers without even realizing it.
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After years of feeling insecure about her looks, she turned to cosmetic surgery, hoping it would finally help her feel at peace in her own skin.
And while she believes it's working, he thinks the changes are only deepening the problem — and the couple can't really find a way to talk about it without the discussion getting out of hand.
This husband tried to tell his wife that cosmetic surgery isn't the answer
Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro (not the actual photo)
But she says he's not being supportive
Image credits: drobotdean (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Agitated_Island_2982
The husband's concerns aren't without merit
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The way he communicated it aside, the husband might have a point.
Michael Reilly, MD, who completed a prestigious fellowship in Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery at the University of California, Los Angeles Medical Center, and Nitika V. Tripathi, MD, a fourth-year resident in the Department of Otolaryngology – Head and Neck Surgery at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital, have an online blog called Dissecting Plastic Surgery.
In one of their posts, the doctors wrote that the number of cosmetic procedures in the US has dramatically increased over the last decade and that studies have identified two primary stimuli for seeking cosmetic surgery: 1) to raise self-esteem and 2) to improve self-image.
"While these factors are both considered by the plastic surgery community to be reasonable motives, it is important to recognize the potential effect that an underlying mental health disorder, such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), a mood disorder, or a personality disorder may have on the desire to seek treatment," Reilly and Tripathi explain.
According to them, BDD is common among people who have an interest in plastic surgery. It is characterized as a preoccupation with a slight or non-observable defect in appearance that is associated with obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviors and leads to a disruption in the activities of daily life. Compared to the 1–2% prevalence of BDD in the general population, rates of up to 7–15% have been identified in the cosmetic surgery population.
However, the prevalence of mood disorders is also much higher in people who get cosmetic surgery. One study discovered that 44% of them had suffered from a psychiatric disorder, most commonly depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Both conditions were found to be correlated with lower self-esteem and lower satisfaction with self-image.
"Several personality disorders are also known to be factors in the pursuit of cosmetic surgery," Reilly and Nitika add. "Narcissistic personality disorder, defined by someone's need for admiration and lack of empathy, has been found in up to 25% of people seeking cosmetic surgery, especially rejuvenation procedures. Similarly, 3–9% of cosmetic surgery patients can be categorized as having a histrionic personality disorder, which is classified as emotional excess with the need to gain the attention of others."
However, it's not just what you say that matters, but also how you say it
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels (not the actual photo)
On an episode of the podcast Ten Percent Happier, host Dan Harris interviewed Charles Duhigg, a journalist and author of the book Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, about why people have such a hard time understanding each other during conversations.
Duhigg said the blueprint is simple:
- Pay attention to what the other person is trying to talk about, and then:
- Meet them where they are at or ask them to meet us where we're at.
But it's not always easy to do in practice. The reason couples fail to follow this plan is because they aren't picking up on what the other person is actually trying to communicate, Duhigg said.
"Two people will be in the same discussion and be having different kinds of conversations," he explained. One is engaging in emotional reflection and the other is offering practical solutions.
And since they are not on the same page, their responses to one another are at best irrelevant and at worst frustrating.
As his story went viral, the husband revealed a bit more information about the problems he’s having with his wife
People have had a lot to say about their conflict
