No one warns you that being in a relationship means spending an absurd amount of time talking your partner out of bad financial decisions. Whether it’s an overpriced sweater they spotted at the mall (which they already have plenty of!) or another tech gadget that will collect dust in a drawer, being the voice of reason in your significant other’s spending habits isn’t always easy.
This woman had an even bigger challenge doing so, as her husband wanted to buy an expensive vehicle to feel more manly at a time that wasn’t exactly the most convenient. She tried talking sense into him about it, but after some unsuccessful attempts, she had to turn online for advice.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with certified financial planners Christine D. Moriarty and Kimberly Miller, as well as accredited financial counselor Monica Eaton and registered life planner Prudence Zhu, who kindly agreed to tell us more about how couples can align their spending habits.
Surprisingly, couples spend a lot of time talking each other out of bad financial decisions
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This woman attempted to talk her husband out of buying a truck just because her car wasn't manly enough
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Later, the woman shared some clarifications:
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Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
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64% of couples say they’re financially incompatible with their significant other
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When partners have different ways of handling money, it can be a challenge. One that seems to be pretty common, as a survey by Bread Financial reveals that 64% of couples say they’re financially incompatible with their significant other.
Generally, there are two types of financial personalities—spenders and savers. A spender likes to make purchases and prioritize buying things they want or need as soon as possible, without worrying much about saving. Meanwhile, a saver likes to plan and is happy to give up the instant gratification of buying to build up their funds for the future.
None of these financial personalities is better than the other, but if in a couple, one partner is irresponsible with their finances and the other takes great care of their money, it can make the other feel overwhelmed. But the good news is that couples can make it through their financial incompatibility. All it takes is a lot of open communication and respect.
"Financial incompatibility often reflects differences in values, upbringing, or risk tolerance, not necessarily a lack of love or commitment. Couples who make it work usually commit to shared transparency, agree on core priorities (like saving, debt, or lifestyle spending), and create systems that respect both partners’ habits while keeping the long-term vision in focus. Compatibility can be built over time if both people are willing to grow," explains certified financial planner Kimberly Miller.
"While it may not be easy," notes registered life planner Prudence Zhu, "exploring the underlying feelings and unconscious patterns (mostly the result of upbringing and earlier life experiences) behind money decisions can make a big difference. Before diving into budgets, talk about the emotions and values you share as a couple, the shared goals that motivate both of you, and expectations around alternatives and trade-offs. Once both partners understand each other's financial personalities and priorities, they can work together to create a shared plan that respects both parties."
To fix irresponsible financial behaviors, a couple has to have an open conversation about finances
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Often the person who tends to be irresponsible with their finances in a couple isn't even aware that their spending habits are having negative repercussions on their relationship. So, in order to set up a financial arrangement/plan that works for both partners, the one who struggles with money has to admit it, as if they don't acknowledge it, they can't really change their habits or do better. "The critical part is the person owning and acknowledging there is an issue. Then, they can accept it and take action," says certified financial planner Christine D. Moriarty.
To help them see their irresponsible financial behavior, the couple has to have an open conversation about combined finances and what they plan to do with them in the future. Both significant others have to share their perspectives and listen closely to each other’s answers.
"This is all about approaching the conversation with empathy and without judgment. Instead of pointing fingers, focus on each other’s feelings and values, and aspire to your ideal—your ideal relationship, ideal financial situation, ideal family, ideal life, together. I advise couples to start by asking open-ended questions and sharing how untold emotions and hidden beliefs impact the relationship or financial decisions," says Zhu.
"For example, “I noticed that we’ve been overspending in this area—how do you feel about it?” It’s crucial that the conversation remains calm and value-focused. Don’t rush to a solution—alignment and action only come after full mutual understanding. Many times, irresponsible financial behavior stems from a lack of awareness or deeper issues like fear or insecurity."
Once both partners are on the same page regarding their finances, they can move on to figuring out how to work together as a team to achieve them. In this stage, it’s important to think about each other’s relationship with money and what could be the best way to reach the financial goals they’ve set for themselves.
"My major tip for managing finances as a couple is to be proactive about the money conversation," adds accredited financial counselor Monica Eaton. "Each partner comes into a relationship with their own experiences and expectations. Don’t assume that you and your partner agree about money management (spending, bill splitting, etc.) and don’t wait until you’re already feeling resentful to broach the topic. To help keep the lines of communication open, have regular money dates where you check in on your finances and make sure that your actions individually and as a couple align with your financial goals and your commitments to one another."
The woman shared some additional information in the comments
Most readers were on the wife's side
While some said that she could have communicated her worries better
