Unlike moms, dads miss out on direct contact with the baby through carrying, delivering, and nursing, which can make them feel less connected with their child. However, the attachment should come with time, and to move things along, there are some practices that can help strengthen the bond.
Unfortunately, this dad didn’t want to try any of the remedies and demanded a divorce after he started feeling like he couldn’t bond with his daughter. His wife was left completely baffled by his statement, which pushed her to seek advice online.
Due to less direct contact with the newborn, some dads may take longer to bond with their baby
Image credits: Jimmy Conover / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Just like this dad, but instead of trying to strengthen the connection, he started demanding a divorce
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Image credits: Ethan Sykes/ unsplash (not the actual photo)
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Fathers don’t have the same feeling of bonding and attachment that moms do
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / unsplash (not the actual photo)
While dads don’t go through pregnancy, nor do they experience the hormones, the changing body, and the giving of birth, their lives turn upside down too, leaving them feeling all sorts of emotions. These feelings can become very overwhelming when they don’t feel connected or bonded with their newborn. Fathers don’t have the same feeling of bonding and attachment that moms do, which can make them feel distinct and all-consuming emotions.
“One of the things men get hit with, especially first time fathers, is the enormous sense of responsibility and protection,” says parenting coach Richard Horowitz. “That might interfere in the short term with that sense of bonding with the child.”
There are many other reasons why parents, fathers in particular, might not feel connected with their child right off the bat. The dads who feel like they don’t have a ton of experience with babies might get too in their head about it and worry that they don’t have it all figured out like others. They may also be unsure on how to knit that tight bond when the baby doesn’t do much besides sleeping, eating, pooping, and crying. If they couldn’t see their baby be born (like in the case of C-section) or be there after birth, it can take longer to bond in these instances as well.
But it shouldn’t be anything major to worry about. It’s common for dads not to feel instant attachment to their child, as studies have found that their oxytocin (“love hormone”) levels only truly increase when they spend some time caring for their children.
Spending time together is all a parent needs to bond with their baby
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It might be hard to do, but dads who truly want to strengthen the bond with their child after welcoming them into this world should put aside the hesitation and anxieties they’re feeling and simply spend time together—it’s all the baby really needs to feel safe and loved.
In reality, bonding seems a lot more difficult than it really is. Parents have a lot of natural instincts that help them take care of a baby. They have to build on them and spend time together, and the bond will be created in no time.
James Di Properzio, a father of four and co-author of The Baby Bonding Book for Dads, recommends dads fitting the quality time through cuddles, taking the night shift, getting involved in feeding and diaper changing, and comforting the baby when they’re in distress. This might all be intimidating and challenging at first, but dads shouldn't just give up by handing the baby to the mom—instead, they should try to exude reassuring and calm energy that will put everyone, including the baby, at ease.
There’s a lot of information available to parents full of easy-to-follow instructions on every daily activity, from holding the baby to changing a nappy and bathing a newborn. To feel more confident in spending time and bonding with their baby, all parents need is a little practice. And after they have mastered it, not only will they feel more connected to their child, but they'll also allow the other parent to take a break from parenting duties. This is important, as both parents need time off to recharge and relax!
The woman provided more information in the comments
Some commenters suspected that the man was just looking for excuses to divorce his wife
