Almost half of marriages end in divorce nowadays. A 2019 study found that the top reasons for separating are a lack of love and intimacy; communication issues; not enough sympathy, trust, and respect; and growing apart because of different interests and hobbies.
For this couple, the debate about kids became the issue that snowballed into a disaster. The wife was wary because of her health issues and the husband's lack of support, but he still insisted. However, after he dropped another b**b on her a few days later, she didn't have any choice but to start considering a divorce.
A couple disagreed about having kids, as the wife felt they weren't ready yet
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)
She had health issues and worried that her husband wouldn't be able to support the family financially
Image credits: isitophotostock / envato (not the actual photo)
The woman clarified some things about her job and health in a mini update
Image credits: ThrowRA-chronicly
Having a baby puts even more strain on a marriage
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
A child is not an antidote to a failing marriage. In fact, research shows that there's a correlation between having children and a decrease in marital satisfaction. A 2003 study shows that 38% of mothers of infants are happy in their marriages, while 62% of childless mothers say the same.
If there are already cracks in the relationship, a baby's arrival is more likely to only deepen them. A baby takes a lot of time and emotional resources, so couples don't have enough of them to address communication or intimacy issues.
California-based family therapist Stacey Sherrell explained to the BBC that if a couple is not being intimate enough before having a child, it's probably going to happen even less after. "Say you have the best relationship in the entire world," she said. "There still needs to be an understanding and conversations around these things that get exacerbated in parenthood."
What's more, many women experience a shift in identity when they become mothers. The phenomenon is called "matrescence" and refers to the changes in a new mother that their partner might notice and be potentially irritated by.
Sherell explains that there's no way of knowing how your identity will change until you have a kid. "All of a sudden, I care about things that I didn't before," Sherell says. "And my partner's, like, 'Who have you become? Why do you care all the sudden that I'm playing video games?' You become a new person – and your partner has to accept a new partner."
Of course, no marriage is perfect, and no one's saying that only couples with no marital issues can have children. But it's important to note that a child changes your life significantly and is one of the biggest challenges partners face in a marriage. If a partner is not pulling their weight regarding household or financial matters, it's very unlikely they will start doing it once there's a baby in the house.
"What, exactly, does he add to your life?" people wondered, warning the woman not to get baby trapped
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The whole situation unraveled when the husband offered to open their relationship
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Surprisingly, those in polyamorous relationships report better emotional satisfaction and trust
The woman in the story expressed that she's partial to monogamous relationships. But what do the statistics say? Is a polyamorous relationship doomed to fail and unable to work for most couples? A very recent study challenges the 'monogamy superiority myth' and suggests that polyamorous couples are just as content as monogamous couples.
The study's authors theorize that this might be because the infidelity aspect, which is most often the number one reason for breakups in monogamous relationships, is taken out of the equation in polygamous relationships.
"People in non-monogamous relationships often have agreements with their partner/s which mean infidelity isn't a relevant factor in their relationships, whereas it is a naturally heartbreaking experience for those in monogamous relationships," lead author Professor Joel Anderson explained.
"This highlights the need to move beyond mononormative assumptions around relationships and families and to create space – socially, culturally, and professionally – for the full spectrum of relationship possibilities," Anderson also told The Guardian.
"When people are supported to build the kinds of relationships that work for them, everyone benefits."
People in the comments were brutally honest: "Another man who wanted a mommy maid with money..."
