The traditional vow the bride and the groom give one another goes something like this: “I take you to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death.”
But what if you are really annoyed that your spouse is getting sick and they aren’t doing anything to prevent it when they can? Is that enough of a reason to leave them? This woman online asks the internet if she would be unreasonable to threaten to divorce her husband if he became morbidly obese.
More info: Mumsnet
Woman noticed her husband has been gaining weight and wants to tell him that if he ends up like his dad, she will leave him
Image credits: Steve Baker (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) was a father-in-law who is morbidly obese and has so much excess weight that he finds it hard to walk. This concept is hard for the woman to wrap her head around as she likes to be active and couldn’t imagine doing that to one's body.
She thinks that she couldn’t stay with a person who does that to themselves and is worried that her husband is actually going in that direction because of his unhealthy eating habits.
The husband's dad is morbidly obese and has a lot of issues related to that, including difficulty to walk
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
The wife will cook healthy food for the whole family, but she never sees her husband eating it, although he will compliment her cooking. He will buy unhealthy food when the family goes out and because he finishes his job later than his wife has dinner, he will order takeout when he comes back home.
It’s a guess, but the wife believes the man’s BMI is about 34 and he carries his weight in his mid waist. The woman wanted to specify that she doesn’t have a problem with how her husband looks, and she never comments on it, because she knows her husband must feel self-conscious about it as when they first met, the man was in good shape because of weightlifting. She actually tries to compliment him whenever she can.
The woman, on the other hand, likes to lead an active life and can't imagine her husband turning into his dad
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
What the wife has a problem with is that her husband will eat unhealthy food and won’t eat the food that she prepared. His excuse is that he feels a lot of pressure at work, so unhealthy food and alcohol help him relieve stress.
It may be a temporary solution, but in the long run, the OP believes her husband will ruin his health and she wouldn’t be able to bear it. Besides the problems that his weight will cause, the husband has other health concerns that he is ignoring and doesn’t listen when the OP tells him to take care of them.
She tries to cook healthy meals for the family and her husband always compliments her cooking but the woman never sees him eating it
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
Image credits: Magnus D (not the actual photo)
People in the comments agreed that the OP’s husband might have an issue with food, but they noticed that the woman also had a distorted relationship with it. She mentions that she will have dinner early and generally won’t eat in the evenings. She will eat before going out so as to not buy unhealthy food on the way.
It wasn’t what the woman was eating that concerned the readers, but the way she talked about it. They felt that the OP might be too strict with it and pretty intense, and on top of that, making food less fun.
The man doesn't eat dinner with the family because he comes back home later so he usually orders takeout and his choices aren't the healthiest ones
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
Regarding the divorce over being obese, people had varying opinions. Some of them believed that seeing someone ruin their health is not easy and if she can’t handle it, she can divorce her husband. They added that it’s not the OP’s job to make her husband healthy and questioned whether wanting someone to change still means you love them for who they are.
Others believed that the couple should try to work it out and encouraging your spouse to take care of their health is a good thing. They also suggested that husband’s overeating may be a psychological problem that needs to be acknowledged and treated.
Not only does the husband return home later, but his job is pretty stressful and he wants to relax by eating comfort food and drinking alcohol
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
Whether the OP is concerned about her husband’s health or looks or is offended that he doesn’t eat her cooked meals, obesity is a real health concern that can lead to a bunch of problems. Not even obesity, but just being overweight can have a big effect on your longevity and quality of life.
The CDC defines being overweight when a person’s BMI is 25 or higher and an obese person has a BMI of 30 and higher. The risks of having excess weight include high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, a stroke, breathing problems, certain types of cancer, body pain and others.
His weight is not the only health concern as the woman revealed that the man has other issues but won't take care of it
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
Image credits: Raita Futo (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
All of these problems lower one's quality of life, so in turn, it affects your mental health and can lead to mental disorders. According to bariatric surgeon Dr Manish Motwani, 70-80% of obese patients have mental health issues. But the cause and effect can be the opposite and mental illness may be the reason why a person is overweight.
The National Council Of Aging agrees that “The link between obesity and mental health issues is not a one-way street.” If you experience stress or have depression, you may use food to cope and the excess calories will eventually turn into fat. Serotonin deficiency and anxiety are known to cause cravings and usually they aren’t very healthy, which also contributes to weight gain. People with depression often don’t have motivation to be active, so not burning those calories is one of the ways for weight to get out of control.
Despite his weight, the wife still finds him attractive and never mentions his weight to him because she knows it can be a painful topic to talk about
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
If we recognize that obesity is also an illness like any other, it can be treated with dietary changes and by involving some exercise in your life. It’s easier said than done, especially when we have in mind that obese people often have poor mental health.
Mayo Clinic suggests that “A behavior modification program can help you make lifestyle changes and lose weight and keep it off. Steps to take include examining your current habits to find out what factors, stresses or situations may have contributed to your obesity.”
It’s not easy to do that for yourself, so counseling and support groups may be of big help not only to find out the root problem but to keep yourself on track.
But on the flip side, she can't bear the thought of living with someone that is morbidly obese
Image credits: LongStoryShorty
Sometimes we don’t think about what a person is going through because we've never experienced it ourselves and if that person doesn't speak their mind, it’s easy to judge them. Do you think that the OP should be more supportive of her husband and help him to care about his health, both mental and physical? Or do you think that the man actually doesn’t want to be helped and the woman would have a better life without him? Let us know in the comments.
People in the comments had varying opinions on whether the woman is entitled to divorce her husband over his weight, but they pointed out she has some dietary issues as well
