Statistics show that the divorce rate in the U.S. has almost halved over the past quarter century - from 4 per thousand people in 2000 to 2.5 in 2021. Does this mean that family relationships have become stronger? Well, both yes and no. On the one hand, the number of marriages has also decreased; on the other, there are marriages whose participants over the years can be called a ‘family’ only nominally...
One such marriage recently ended - the user sparrowpeathief divorced his wife about a year ago, and subsequent events prompted the man to tell his story online - apparently in anticipation of some moral support. However, not everything went as he expected... but let's talk about everything in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post recently parted ways with his wife after over 2 decades of their marriage
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
The man states that the main reason for divorce was '10 years of dead bedroom'
Image credits: sparrowpeathief
The guy planned to remain casual, but literally a few days after divorce, he met his future girlfriend
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: sparrowpeathief
The man's adult children weren't happy about this all and his daughter even snapped at the GF, accusing her of home-wrecking
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: sparrowpeathief
The man had a meeting with his daughter and explained the reasons that led him to divorce, including lack of intimacy with her mom
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that he is 46 years old, and a year ago he filed for divorce from his wife - as the author himself says, "after 10 years of deadbedroom." Well, situations in relationships are different, but the man, in his own words, endured for quite a long time - until the youngest of his two children turned 18.
After this, the OP got divorced and even, as he admits, threw a 'ditch the b**ch' party. The man considers this decision one of the best in his life, but his now adult children do not share their father’s happiness, and even stopped communicating with him. Especially after he got a new girlfriend.
Yes, the original poster, according to him, didn’t plan to get into another serious relationship - however, it so happened that literally two days later, he met a woman online and, despite all his plans to remain casual, she entered his life firmly and, apparently, for a long time.
After that, the guy got a lot of pleasure from life with his new GF - until his eldest daughter, 22 years old, one day attacked the woman with criticism in direct messages on her Instagram page, accusing her of home wrecking. The OP, according to himself, was not particularly eager to mend bridges with the children, claiming that ‘he did his part’, but he considered it necessary to resolve this conflict.
And so, a couple of days later, the man met his daughter at a cafe table and told her in detail his vision of the situation, and also explained the reason why he decided to part ways with her mom. The daughter demanded proof that they had not started dating before the divorce - and the man showed her on what day their correspondence began.
Well, after that, as the OP says, the girl changed her anger to mercy, started acting civil with her dad’s GF, gradually came around to her, and even spent time with them on New Year’s Eve. However, the author's ex, having learned about everything, snapped at him, livid at what he told the children about their sex life. The woman called the OP 'disgusting,' and he himself did not think that he’d done anything reprehensible.
Image credits: Edmond Dantès (not the actual photo)
“The situation, as it seems to me, is quite ambiguous,” argues Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch over this case. “On the one hand, it’s pretty clear that this man doesn’t want his children to criticize his new girlfriend. On the other hand, for some reason it seems that if we talked to this man’s ex-wife, we would definitely get a purely different vision of their family life.”
“That’s right, in any conflict both sides are usually involved - in different proportions, but both. And it confuses me that the man didn’t say that he was trying to improve their marriage, but simply waited until the children came of age, and left. No, it's actually very commendable that the man wants to live for himself, but your parenting doesn't really end when the kids turn 18."
“In any case, he did the right thing by explaining his vision of the situation to his daughter, putting an end to the conflict. But for some reason it still seems to me that the author is not saying something here. Or is keeping silent about something as well,” Irina says.
As for the comments from the other users, if the man wanted to find some kind of moral support here, then his plan definitely failed. Most commenters simply slated him for the situation as a whole, arguing that the original poster’s behavior, and especially his choice of expressions, seems extremely dubious.
"I hope you spoke in a respectful manner in front of your children. She is their mother," one of the commenters wrote. "You could have been an actual mature adult and explained to them that you and their mother aren't compatible and that's why you were divorcing. Instead you let resentment build for 10 years and decided f**k all of them," another person in the comments aptly added.
Well, there are different stories about why couples break up. For example, as described in this post of ours, literally true off the author’s chest... And now it would be interesting for us to know your opinion about the story we told. Who do you think is right in this situation? Please let us know in the comments below the post.
Most people in the comments, however, criticized the man for his attitude and his rude wordings as well
