All couples fight for many different reasons, whether your partner left a dirty plate on the table, or didn’t fix that shelf that was promised, took too much time getting ready or simply bought something that you believe was not necessary and just a waste of money. However, it’s also important to understand that some things that may look useless to you are necessary or useful for your partner.
On that note, one Reddit user shared her story online asking if she was in the wrong in this situation after she bought a blender and kept hearing her husband’s complaints that this purchase was just a waste of money. Well, after she'd had enough, she simply didn’t share food made with it with her husband. And as the author shared in the end, this post made her question her marriage.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes small things may lead to big arguments and not-so happy endings
Image credits: Mike Jones (not the actual photo)
Woman buys herself a nice blender, husband is mad that she spent $125 for it
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
This annoyed the woman as she used her ‘fun’ money for the blender and every time she would use it, comments from her husband were unavoidable
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Then she finally had enough and simply decided to not give her husband any of the food that was made using the blender
Image credits: u/Commercial-Ticket860
The whole situation caused a big argument between the couple and she shares that it made her really start thinking about her marriage
One Reddit user took her story online asking one of the most judgmental communities if she was indeed being a jerk for not giving her husband food that was made with a blender that he was so mad about her buying. The post received a lot of attention and collected over 8.5K upvotes and almost 1.5K comments.
The woman starts her story by sharing that she bought herself a nice blender. But the main issue is that her husband was mad about this purchase as it was $125. His reaction annoyed OP as she used her fun money and it’s a household tool, even if he won’t be using it. Every time she took out her blender, her husband’s comments that it’s a stupid buy followed.
But one day she finally had enough. She made soup using her blender, and because of his constant comments that it’s a ‘stupid blender’, she told him he wouldn’t get any food made with it. This caused a heated argument and the woman was called a petty jerk. However, in the end of the post, OP shared that it made her question her whole marriage.
Community members gave the author the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge and discussed that $125 for a blender is not a lot. “$125 is very reasonable for a blender! My vitamix was over $500,” one user wrote. “I'm also amazed that she bought this with her fun money when it's a staple household item. Seriously, what kind of man makes his wife use her fun money to buy a blender?” another added.
Image credits: Yaroslav Shuraev (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Luis Maimoni, LMFT, who is a marriage and family therapist. He kindly agreed to share his insights regarding this story, conflicts, boundaries for personal spending and how to find a healthy balance.
“It's clear that the husband and wife have escalated this difference over spending way out of proportion. The $125 purchase may send them to counseling, which is a considerably more expensive proposition,” Luis states.
He adds that this argument is not about money. As with most couples fighting over money, they are fighting over power. And the healthy way to address this dispute is to stop and ask themselves “What the hell is happening here? What are we doing?” Luis shares that ideally, this would transition to a discussion of values and while many couples will descend into an argument, successful couples will use the difference to learn more about each other's values.
Now, speaking about situations in which behaviors are out of proportion to the dispute, the therapist emphasizes that it often signals that the fight is a “proxy” for another, larger issue in the relationship. In this situation, it will do the couple no good to argue over blender spending. They need to figure out what they're actually fighting over.
Additionally, creating boundaries around personal spending can help gain clarity around expectations about spending, thereby avoiding arguments like in this story. This is particularly important where there is a disparity in incomes.
And finally, as for how couples can find a healthy balance, Luis highlights that in relationships, as in everywhere, money is power. And negotiating about money is negotiating about power.
“I would explore the power differential in other parts of the relationship. There is no one way to divide money or power in a couple. The important thing is for the arrangements to be safe, sane, and consensual,” he shares. “Most commonly, a couple enters a relationship with understandings of customs around money and power based on family of origin. Problems arise because these understandings are unseen, values are not stated, and differences are unknown until the differing approaches are put into practice.”
And as Dr. John Gottman observes - "all couples have disagreements, and that some of the disagreements can be quite significant. The difference between successful and unsuccessful couples isn't that there are disagreements - it is in how the couple handles the disagreements."
So guys, what do you think about this story? Do you think this wife overstepped by not sharing food with her husband, or was her husband wrong for constant remarks about the blender being a waste? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors backed the woman up in this situation and discussed that her husband is in the wrong
