Last fall my 18 month old little girl fell and fractured her skull (she's a climber). I took her to the emergency room for a spongy spot on her head where she hit it, and ended up staying at the hospital with her literally all day while she got scans and tests.
It was not how I had planned or wanted to spend my Saturday, and I found myself saying out loud to her, " I sure hope you are grateful to me for spending all day in this hospital with you. You owe me big!"
I mainly said it jokingly, but I stopped in horror after I said it. I realized I sounded exactly like my Nmom, who all of my life lorded her care of my multiple medical conditions over my head, as if she was somehow entitled to compensation or a pat on the back or a trophy for providing the minimum requirements for a child with extra medical needs. I was ashamed.
Even though my daughter was a baby, even though she didn't understand what I had said, I backtracked immediately and said out loud to her,
"No!! I am happy to be here with you in the hospital. I am HAPPY to give you whatever you need and make sure you are healthy and safe. I love being your mom, and you don't owe me anything for doing my job."
It felt good to know I am permanently breaking that cycle, and that the emotional blackmail and guilt trip buck stops with me.
It was not how I had planned or wanted to spend my Saturday, and I found myself saying out loud to her, " I sure hope you are grateful to me for spending all day in this hospital with you. You owe me big!"
I mainly said it jokingly, but I stopped in horror after I said it. I realized I sounded exactly like my Nmom, who all of my life lorded her care of my multiple medical conditions over my head, as if she was somehow entitled to compensation or a pat on the back or a trophy for providing the minimum requirements for a child with extra medical needs. I was ashamed.
Even though my daughter was a baby, even though she didn't understand what I had said, I backtracked immediately and said out loud to her,
"No!! I am happy to be here with you in the hospital. I am HAPPY to give you whatever you need and make sure you are healthy and safe. I love being your mom, and you don't owe me anything for doing my job."
It felt good to know I am permanently breaking that cycle, and that the emotional blackmail and guilt trip buck stops with me.