I spent years gaslighting myself into believing my narcissistic parents would treat my daughter differently than they treated me.
I told myself they loved her too much. That being grandparents is different. I wanted her to have the kind of grandparent relationship I had with my grandmother, the only person who ever made me feel truly loved.
Today, that illusion shattered because my daughter told me something.
My six-year-old was proudly feeding the chicks on my parents’ farm. She accidentally stepped on some egg yolk that was on the ground.
My father screamed at her out of nowhere, asking if she was “out of her mind“ and something like „she‘s not normal“.
Then she hid under the kitchen table because she was scared of him before running to my mother.
When she told me the story, I heard the confusion and fear in her voice.
Something broke inside me.
It hit me all over again that it is not normal for a grown man to lose control like that over a six-year-old.
I endured decades of his random outbursts and convinced myself my daughter would somehow be spared. She was crying and said it was all her fault. I have never felt a rage like that before.
I blocked him immediately and threatened him by texting my mom that I’ll call the cops on him or anybody trying to hurt my child because idgaf anymore.
The strangest part was realizing my daughter didn’t understand his behavior. She looked genuinely confused because she has never been treated that way before.
For the first time, I felt proud instead of guilty.
She will never be alone with my parents again.
The cycle ends with me.
I told myself they loved her too much. That being grandparents is different. I wanted her to have the kind of grandparent relationship I had with my grandmother, the only person who ever made me feel truly loved.
Today, that illusion shattered because my daughter told me something.
My six-year-old was proudly feeding the chicks on my parents’ farm. She accidentally stepped on some egg yolk that was on the ground.
My father screamed at her out of nowhere, asking if she was “out of her mind“ and something like „she‘s not normal“.
Then she hid under the kitchen table because she was scared of him before running to my mother.
When she told me the story, I heard the confusion and fear in her voice.
Something broke inside me.
It hit me all over again that it is not normal for a grown man to lose control like that over a six-year-old.
I endured decades of his random outbursts and convinced myself my daughter would somehow be spared. She was crying and said it was all her fault. I have never felt a rage like that before.
I blocked him immediately and threatened him by texting my mom that I’ll call the cops on him or anybody trying to hurt my child because idgaf anymore.
The strangest part was realizing my daughter didn’t understand his behavior. She looked genuinely confused because she has never been treated that way before.
For the first time, I felt proud instead of guilty.
She will never be alone with my parents again.
The cycle ends with me.