I lost myself trying to find happiness in the person that didn’t love me back. I spent countless hours crying rather than laughing and i have nobody to blame but myself. He showed me who he was and yet i stayed in hopes that he would change, in hopes that if i loved him hard enough he would see i was worth being loved in return.
But i learned that you have to believe the man who is looking you in the eye and breaking your heart. Don’t question him, over-analyze, or decide to “be patient and wait.” As long as you’re waiting for the person who keeps breaking your heart, you’re standing still. A man who doesn’t fight for you is not worth fighting for. Stop investing your emotions for a man who acts like he can care less whether you are in his life or not. A man who really loves you won’t put himself in a position to lose you.
While i put my all into him i was being served crumbs of affection and i settled for something rather than nothing, not realizing that love is not suppose to be painful. Love is not suppose to feel like you have to walk on eggshells just so that you don’t upset them. Love is not suppose to change you for the worse. Love is not suppose to feel like you are in a battlefield trying to compete for someone’s time. That’s where i went wrong, i gave and gave so much of myself never expecting nothing in return but the love that was promised to me. Yet the more i gave, the more he expected and the less i settled for.
I became depressed, battled insomnia. Felt like i wasn’t good enough. I would cry over things i would normally laugh at. I became an angry individual, i was a ticking bomb waiting to explode. I felt like a million miles away from myself and didn’t know if i could ever find the woman i once was. I was full of hurt, and yet still madly in love with the man who brought upon all these emotions, and attitudes in me. I felt so lost inside myself, and trying to dig myself out was so difficult when i still had the person who caused these roller coaster emotions around me. But one day i woke up different, and that was the day i decided to walk away and find myself again. Its been such a journey for me, and while at times i miss him i realized that i miss the man he use to be not the man he had become. The day i chose to lose him is the day i found myself and it has been the best feeling ever.
There comes a point in every woman’s life when she becomes tired. Tired of the excuses, tired of the games, tired of the explanations, tired of the lies, tired of caring. Tired of the only thing she gets in return for her loyalty, is a new reason not to be. When this happens, you have 2 choices. Either love her, or leave her alone. If you’re smart you’ll make the decision before she makes it for you.
