Let’s be real: everyone grieves differently. That being said, there are still some things you just don’t say to the bereaved, because it’ll only make things worse. Yes, we’re looking at you, Mister “Everything happens for a reason.”
One woman turned to an online community seeking advice after her husband’s ham-fisted attempt to comfort his grieving niece and nephew at Thanksgiving ended in disaster. Now she’s stuck between a furious sister and a whining spouse.
Some folks just have no idea how to read a room, which can be less-than-ideal, especially at significant family gatherings
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
One woman was surprised when her sister showed up with her kids at Thanksgiving dinner, especially considering her husband succumbed to illness a few months earlier
Image credits: Brett Wharton / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
While everyone was chatting, though, her husband decided he’d make a point of not-so-casually bringing up her sister’s late husband, traumatizing his niece and nephew
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman’s sister exploded, calling her husband an idiot before storming out, kids in tow, and raging at her on a later call
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman’s husband thought her sister was overreacting and played dumb about the whole thing, but her family suspected cruelty
Image credits: AlterAccount_597
Torn between a whining husband and a furious sister, the woman turned to netizens to ask if siding with her sister was a jerk move
Thanksgiving was already heavy as the original poster’s (OP) family gathered for their first holiday without a beloved brother-in-law, gone months earlier after a serious illness. Every year, the families had filled the house with tradition. Unsure if she’d come this time, everyone was stunned when the grieving sister arrived, kids in tow.
As plates were served, casual chatter suddenly turned cruel. OP’s husband pointed to an empty chair, reminiscing about where the brother-in-law, Thomas, used to sit. Then he turned to his niece and nephew, asking if they missed their dad, before coldly explaining that “daddy was asleep” and would never wake up again. Ever.
The room erupted. One child burst into tears as OP’s sister exploded, calling the comment unforgivable. A shouting match followed, attempts to cool things down failed, and the grieving mom abruptly gathered her kids and left. Later, she called saying they were now too terrified to sleep, fearing they wouldn’t wake up either.
Back at OP’s, the fight only got more furious. Her husband insisted he was the victim, claiming he meant comfort, not harm, and accused the whole family of overreacting. Relatives suspect spitefulness, especially since he was never close to his brother-in-law, so now OP’s wondering if siding with her sister makes her a jerk.
Let’s be real, if you were in the same situation, would you give OP’s husband the benefit of the doubt? Well, it turns out there are some things you just don’t say to grieving folks. Let’s take a closer look.
Image credits: photoroyalty / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The pros over at VeryWellMind say research shows that the loss of a loved one is the highest source of stress we ever go through, topping the list of life’s toughest events. Grief can be painful and messy, and in our attempt to comfort someone who's struggling, we can sometimes make things worse.
“When we say the wrong thing, we're often trying to make ourselves feel better about someone’s pain,” says Rebecca Feinglos, certified grief support specialist. “But grief isn't meant to be comfortable for anyone—not for the person experiencing it, nor for the people watching.”
Writing for PsyPost, Eric W. Dolan says friends, family, and other support providers play an absolutely critical role in comforting the bereaved, but a recent study uncovered a genuinely concerning aspect of this support system - what people actually say to grieving individuals. Yup, it’s all about picking your words of comfort carefully.
One of the key findings was the seriously negative impact of insensitive remarks made by well-meaning supporters. Participants reported feeling genuinely frustrated by comments that were clearly intended to console but came across as incredibly unhelpful instead. These remarks fell into a bunch of categories, like religious explanations, comparisons to others' experiences, and advice that wasn’t asked for.
OP’s husband clearly needs to learn a thing or two about tact, and we’d say this is the perfect time for a lesson. What’s your take? Did OP’s husband go too far, or are things being blown way out of proportion? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers agreed that the only jerk in the whole mess was the woman’s husband and slammed him for crossing a line that should never have been crossed
