I'm Just A Dude Who Likes The Blood

"I was fourteen when I first tasted the blood. My nose started bleeding, and I tried a taste of it. I can’t say it was a conscious desire. Blood is blood. However, I liked the taste, and since then there was some new state: sometimes I want something sweet, and sometimes I want something else, and it’s unclear what it is. And it’s kind of eating the same food as everyone else, but having a constant hunger and you never can get enough.

When I was sixteen, I consciously cut my hand. The knife was not sharp, and I picked my skin for a very long time with the knife blade. I've tasted the blood and went nuts, that was missing! However, this feeling quickly passed. It's like non-alcoholic beer: you have appreciated the taste, but did not get hit in the head. I was experimenting with cuts from time to time and came to the point where I wanted to try someone else's blood. I was wondering about the effect, and if the taste will be different. On a wave of popularity of series "Twilight” and "The Vampire Diaries" I have started a serious search of the donor. And how do you find him if you were a “nerd" in a high school and didn't really communicate with anyone?

The Internet became the way out; I got a computer, though it was late enough. And then it was the question of how to search on the internet. Do I type “Vampires”? And the search gives you a bunch of things which are far from reality. And still I am facing the same problem: I don’t know how to ask Google. It gives you some films, some thematic forums with the immortals. Immortals? I'd like to talk to these people; it is very curious what do these people think when they write like this? And some vampires consider themselves of some superior caste. And if you think about it, it's you, a vampire who is really dependent on donors. There is no magic here. It's weird and stupid.

Or later it was "Tinder". Good thing! I didn't go in there saying: “Looking for a donor,” no! Although once I had created a topic there and received some feedback. One guy offered his services as a donor, but his first question was: “Who turned you?" What? This is a bitter crap inspired by the movies. I'm just a dude who likes blood. No superpowers.

Only when I was 18-19 years old I was able to find the first donor. And like many other vampires I find my donors among the life partners, close people, and sexual partners, because it is difficult to say to the man in the street: "Will you juice me a few drops?" This is odd. First, you need to know a person well and how he will perceive it. My first girlfriend treated my addiction with interest and didn't think it was something beyond. She accepted me and was keenly interested in what was happening to me, but I didn’t know the answers on all these questions then and now.

I bought some blades back then. Inexperienced, I made a very deep cut on the forearm that needed a long time to heal. The bleeding, however, did not start immediately. It is also possible to get the blood from the finger, but until you wait for something to drip the blood becomes like a Jell-O. And you're not actually drinking, you're chewing it. It’s a dubious pleasure.

My last donor, a man, even got surprised: “Why do you cut in places where a little blood is, why don’t you cut the veins?" He knows a lot about this, he has a medical education. He cuts himself in the neck. “Why don't you cut the neck?" he asked. Are you kidding? One wrong move and that’s all, a death.

I prefer to drink directly with the hands. And there is no question of keeping the blood and there are those who keep it. I can't get enough blood to keep in the fridge. And there are those who carry the catheter with them, to take blood from the veins. That's crazy! I'm not ready for that. It is possible to damage something, many people are afraid of injections, and if the injection is made incorrectly the bruise can appear ... I have no medical education. And I doubt anyone in their right mind would do that. Again, there is the question of sterility of these syringes and catheters. My choice was obvious, the blades. They are, of course, non-sterile, but I do treat them with a special liquid, you can use an alcohol as well. Of course, you don’t have to sterilize, you are just scratching a skin, and not going too deep.

One day, I bit the hand of a donor girl (with her consent). I actually could bite through, but she had got such a terrible mark ... This process lasted for a very long time. I was surprised that the skin was so thick. However, she endured to the bitter end. I'm still ashamed of that experience. And this shit, when they are biting the neck in the movies… Do you have any idea how difficult to bite the skin? And yes, I'm not violent.

When I drink blood, I become calmer and more restrained. It's easier for me to concentrate. Everything comes in order in a head. And you feel yourself refreshed. You find your feet again. I see blood consumption as a delicacy. I want to drink blood from time to time. Someone drinks it once in half a year, someone - once a month. I made it once a week, once every two weeks. In fact, I was guided by how well the wound heals. On the forums it is considered I had it too often.

I don’t have a donor for several months, and I feel changes: I can't concentrate, I have problems with sleep, I feel emotional instability. One day I was in subway. A seductive girl (without erotic subtext) was in the car next to me. I had an overwhelming desire to bite and drink her blood. I realized that I am looking strange when at some point I saw that she was looking at me with frightened eyes. I made a move, and then the door opened, and she rushed out of the car. It was the only time I was so blown away.

Now it is even more difficult for me to find donors, as I live and work far from the city center. People who work with me, usually, are old. You're not going to tell some old lady about this, are you? And I wouldn’t do it from an aesthetic point of view. The trend of time: many people aren’t ready to see in person. They are afraid.

My parents are not aware of my peculiarity. I don't even dare to smoke next to them. Yes, I visited doctors, and gave the blood to test, I have a good health. I didn’t tell them that I drink blood; I don't want to get into mental hospital.

I'd like to talk to other people who drink blood. To find answers. But, typically, I come across either complete scumbags both among guys and girls, or people who are not ready to talk about this. I think that the issue of socialization of people like me is very important. Alas, there is no place where people would treat our features with understanding.