While no one wants to grieve, most of us, at some point, are forced to - it's an unfortunate part of life. How everyone deals with it differs from the relationship with the late person to the grieving person's mental strength, support, value systems, and so many other things.
Let's take the man from today's story as an example. He lost his wife years ago, and while time washed away some of the sadness, it's clear that he's still grieving. And so, he has one specific tradition to honor his wife's memory, but as his family grew with kids bringing partners in, the fulfillment of this tradition started being questioned.
More info: Reddit
No expression of grief is invalid - each person experiences it differently
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Like this man, who, even years after his wife's passing, is swearing to never remarry
Image credits: denisapolka / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He also has the tradition of visiting her grave with the kids every Christmas Eve, as a way to keep her memory alive
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Yet, when his kids grew up and brought partners, some of them, like his daughter's husband, started questioning this tradition
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He wanted to join it, saying he's a part of the family, but the man drew a line at that and excluded him
The OP lost his wife years ago, but has no plan to remarry. He also likes to honor her memory every year with a certain tradition he shares with his kids – every Christmas Eve, they visit her grave and place flowers on it. It’s very dear to all of them.
After the son got married, the family decided to keep this decision private and not involve spouses – just a tribute to mom coming from her husband and kids, no one else. The son’s wife fully understood such a sentiment, and whenever they went out for their tradition, she stayed at home to make them hot cocoa.
But the daughter’s husband was not as understanding. He reached out to the OP and started yapping about how he is now a part of the family and should be included in the tradition. However, the author wasn’t planning to let go of his belief that this one was sacred only between blood relatives, not in-laws.
Well, family traditions are very important; that’s no secret. Some might even argue that they’re a foundation for strong families. And that wouldn’t be a lie – traditions tend to serve many purposes that build secure dynamics.
For instance, it can be a source of identity for people, as sharing values establishes a sense of belonging, which is essential for families. It also preserves and acknowledges their history, just as the OP and his children keep the memory of their mom alive.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It can also build connections. Whether it’s an heirloom that’s being passed down generations or some kind of activity, it’s something that they all have in common, something they all can discuss. So, in a way, it can be understandable why the daughter’s husband wanted to join in on their tradition – he wanted to bond with them, since he was part of the family.
Yet, he didn’t go right about this at all – disrespecting his father-in-law and his wishes is definitely not the path to building lasting family relationships. We’re not saying that he has to worship the ground his FIL is walking on – it’s natural to not like every single thing your in-laws do or say, just as with any other person.
But you must have empathy and understanding of circumstances. His FIL is still struggling with grief from losing his wife, no matter the years that have passed. After all, while time makes the grief easier to handle, it never completely fades.
And people find their ways to deal with it – some try to move on as far as they can, while others try to maintain as much as possible of the person they lost. Since the OP said he’s never remarrying, he seems more like a second type. And this tradition with his kids is a part of his deal with grief.
That’s why netizens agreed – the man wasn’t a jerk to exclude kids’ partners from tradition. In fact, why would they even want to visit the grave of someone they never knew? Do you agree with that? Or is your view on this whole thing different? Please share all of that in the comments!
Netizens didn't think he was in the wrong to do so - why would the husband want to visit the grave of someone he never even met?
