“They’re Not Savages”: In-Laws Refuse To Eat Woman’s Cooking, Regret It

It’s safe to say that no two people are exactly the same when it comes to food. That’s why there’s no need to eat something if one doesn't feel like it, but there’s no need to make fun of it, either.

This redditor’s in-laws checked both boxes when they refused to eat her Middle Eastern dish, saying that they’re “not savages”. And even though they changed their minds later, the line was already crossed.

Making fun of any aspect of a person’s life rarely makes the relationship any better, but it’s especially unlikely when it’s their customs or culture that’s being mocked. Whether it’s a backhanded compliment, a hurtful remark, or a plain direct insult, it can make the person on the receiving end understandably upset and result in other detrimental outcomes, such as a broken family relationship.

Uncalled for comments like the one in the OP’s story are damaging for many reasons, and make life needlessly difficult for expats who might be already faced with all sorts of challenges of living in a foreign country. According to surveys carried out by Aetna International, the main one is missing home, family and friends, followed by difficulties regarding employment, cost of living, and cultural differences respectively.

The latter is unsurprisingly a significant influence in people’s romantic relationships. A study on challenges individuals within intercultural marriages face found that the main ones relate to five aspects - family, finances, communication, time spent together, and clashes in cultural expectations and traditions, the first of which often includes troublesome situations with the in-laws.

One example of such situations is having to deal with in-laws who are seemingly too involved in a couple’s life. “One issue with in-laws might stem from what is perceived to be an invasion of the couple’s privacy. However, such privacy boundaries are culturally determined; what might seem intrusive in one culture is perceived as perfectly normal in another,” the study read in part.

The aforementioned study found that the majority of challenges people within intercultural marriages faced were consistently managed by partners keeping an open mind and focusing on improving communication. The couples reported that such strategies have not only helped them to deal with said challenges but also made them feel closer and more satisfied with their relationship.

Statistics show that an increasing number of couples seemingly face the challenges and reap the benefits of being in an intercultural relationship. In the US, for instance, the number of such couples has been growing steadily for more than five decades, going from comprising roughly 3% of all newlyweds back in 1967 to 17% in 2015, Pew Research Center reports. In Germany, where the OP’s husband’s family was from, there were reportedly close to 23,000 intercultural marriages between a male German and a female foreigner back in 2022.

The redditor shared that her husband has always stood up for her during any troublesome occurrences with his family. But in the update she revealed that she wanted to do the talking herself after the incident with the lamb roast. Fellow redditors in the comments showed their support for the woman and believed she wasn’t being a jerk to her in-laws.