Trying to start a family can be a difficult and expensive process, especially if you or your partner are struggling with fertility issues. So it helps immensely to have a strong support system you can lean on during the process. But what if your relatives are actively making your life harder while you desperately try to become a parent?
One woman recently reached out to Reddit detailing why she’s finally decided to set boundaries with her sister who seems to only see her as an on-call babysitter. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies that invested readers shared.
This woman has been struggling to get pregnant for years
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
And after her sister made it clear that she should give up on trying to have kids, she decided to stop offering her babysitting services
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image source: JumpFeisty225
About 10% of people who want to start a family struggle with fertility issues
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
In a perfect world, starting a family would be simple and easy, at least for cisgender heterosexual couples. But in reality, getting pregnant can be an incredibly complex, draining and expensive journey. According to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, approximately 9% of men and 11% of women of reproductive age in the United States struggle with fertility issues.
In about one third of couples, the reason they can’t conceive is because of the man, and in another third, the issue is the woman’s fertility. But one third of the time, the problem either cannot be determined or is with both partners.
Studies have also found that after one year of trying to conceive, between 12% and 15% of couples still aren’t pregnant. And one in ten couples still don’t have a child after two years of trying to start a family. Age also plays a part, of course, as women’s fertility starts rapidly declining after they turn 35.
Despite the fact that it’s so common to have challenges when trying to get pregnant, it can still be an extremely difficult process to go through emotionally. One 2022 study found that 60% of individuals struggling with infertility say it has impacted their mental health, and a third of these hopeful parents admit that it has caused a strain on their relationship as well.
Mothers for Mothers explains on their site that facing challenges when trying to get pregnant often causes anxiety and/or depression, and it might make individuals who want to become parents feel guilt or shame. They might be embarrassed about having to seek help when trying to conceive, and even though there are options available to help couples nowadays, those aren’t exactly easy solutions either.
It's important to be sensitive to loved ones facing challenges when trying to become parents
Image credits: Nini FromParis (not the actual photo)
A round of IVF can cost couples between $12,000 to $25,000, and it’s never guaranteed to work. Plus, one study found that women undergoing IVF treatment reported severe physical and mental side effects, including mood swings, anxiety, insomnia, depression and hot flashes. Not to mention the psychological impact that it can have on a woman to become pregnant and later miscarry.
So what can friends and family members do to support their loved ones struggling with infertility? The National Infertility Association recommends making it clear that you care for and are there for the couple. Remember them on particularly difficult days, like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, and be sensitive when discussing topics that have to do with babies or children around them.
It’s also important to know what not to do or say. Don’t tell the couple to relax or try to minimize the problem. They might be in a lot of pain, and it’s impossible to understand how they feel without being in their situation. Never tell them that “things could be worse” or “maybe it’s just not meant to be.” If someone has a strong desire to be a parent and has always wanted to start a family, it’s not fair to tell them to give up.
Be careful not to try to problem solve either. They might have tried things like IVF already in the past, and they may not be interested in adoption. It’s probably safe to assume that they’ve already considered all of their options.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. How do you feel about the boundaries that this woman set with her sister? Then, if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues, look no further than right here.
The vast majority of readers agreed with the woman's choice to set boundaries with her sister
However, one person thought that the author was being unfair to her sister
