Kaly Miller, a 52-year-old s*x therapist and surrogate partner, has revealed the personal and emotional challenges that come with her controversial line of work.
Appearing on ITV’s This Morning last Tuesday (January 27), she told hosts Ben Shephard and Cat Deeley that while the public often fixates on the nature of her job, the reality can be devastating.
Highlights
- Surrogate partner Kaly Miller said guiding people through first intimacy carries heavy emotional responsibility.
- She described managing shame, loneliness and safety risks as the hardest parts of her work.
- The surrogate discussed how her parents and children have reacted to her unconventional occupation.
She described initiating people into intimacy as an emotionally heavy vocation that requires navigating shame, loneliness, strict boundaries, and exposing herself to unsafe situations.
Miller also hinted at how her family, including her kids, has been impacted by her decision.
A surrogate partner who has initiated hundreds into intimacy revealed the challenges of her occupation
Image credits: This Morning
“I don’t think anyone sits at home and says, ‘I’m going to be a surrogate partner.’ I think everyone is taken on a journey.”
That journey began somewhere around the early 2010s. At the time, Miller was working as a massage therapist when she came across an advert seeking “open-minded body therapists.”
Image credits: Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She said she felt “called” to the work, sensing it aligned with something deeper inside of her.
In 2014, she formally enrolled in a three-year university degree in Erotology, the study of intimate behavior, in the Netherlands.
Image credits: This Morning
Miller explained that her work centers on clients who struggle profoundly with intimacy, many of whom have never experienced a romantic relationship. She guides clients through foundational experiences such as learning how to kiss and feel safe with physical closeness.
She said the emotional responsibility of being someone’s first point of experience is one of the hardest aspects of the job.
Image credits: This Morning
It wasn’t long before she landed her first client. The man, in his mid sixties, had spent his entire life as a virgin and arrived carrying “decades of shame.”
“My first client was an incredible person that had spent their lives feeling very shy, very awkward, never really progressing into intimacy,” Miller said.
“I asked, ‘Why are you here? What brought you to this?’” The answer shook her to her core:
“I don’t want to d*e without knowing what love feels like.”
Miller described being a surrogate partner as something she was “born” to do
Image credits: Lucy Kali Miller
She described how his only physical contact came from fleeting moments at a corner shop.
“At that point, he liked going round to the corner shop to pay with coins because the only touch they ever had was when they paid the cashier and brushed hands,” she said.
“He used to look out of the window and this woman that passed by and he would imagine being in love but never quite ever having the experience, or the confidence, or the experience to move forward.”
Image credits: This Morning
It was in that moment, she said, that she felt certain she was where she belonged.
“Then and there, I felt I am in the right space, this is what I was born for. Everyone has a karma or something to fulfill, but this is my thing.”
Miller worked with the man once a month for a year, slowly helping him unpack deeply ingrained beliefs about intimacy that had been shaped by decades of internalized shame.
Image credits: Lucy Kali Miller
“It was very interesting because of the age gap, he was telling me stories about his upbringing,” she said. “There were no VHS, no devices. If you wanted to have access to naughty things, you went to the shop and hid it in your jacket, hoping nobody would see you.”
Miller proudly recounted how, after a year of working together, her client was able to form a long-term relationship with another person.
“They managed to break that barrier and did feel what love felt like,” she said.
Since then, she said, she has worked with hundreds of clients.
“I don’t keep a tally,” she said. “But since then I’d estimate I have slept with up to 400 clients.”
STD tests, mandatory c*ndom use, and several Zoom calls are some of the measures Miller uses to protect herself
Image credits: Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Miller runs her own practice, The N**ed Room, and has worked independently for the past seven years.
Her prices range from $300 for an hour-long in-person session to approximately $1500 for a five-hour session, but she emphasized that financial exchange does not eliminate risk.
“When a potential client first contacts me, I will have a free exploratory Zoom call with them,” she said.
“The purpose of this is to establish what issues they want to address, whether I’m content they understand what they are asking for and can consent to it, and whether I feel comfortable working with them.”
Image credits: Lucy Kali Miller
She added that there is no guarantee she will take someone on as a client, revealing she has turned people away, including “a man who joined the Zoom call n**ed.”
Once she agrees to work with someone, Miller demands proof of recent STI tests, signed consent forms, and c*ndom use, and she requires clients to cover travel and accommodation.
“My safety is paramount,” she said. “I have a tracking device on my phone and always check in with a friend or family member when I get home.”
When questioned about how her job interacts with her family life, Miller was honest. She said her children and parents are fully aware of what she does, and that she’s thankful to have their full support.
“My kids are at home watching,” she said on This Morning. “My kids and my parents are my number one fans, and certainly my dad.”
"Oldest job in the world." While some viewers congratulated Miller, others criticized her approach
