Child-free adults have the luxury of sleeping late, waking late or even choosing to party instead of sleep. What they do in their spare time is, for the most part, up to them. When one guy decided to let loose with some buddies on a weeknight, he wasn't expecting to have any responsibilities later that night. In his mind, he'd go home and sleep it off.
Imagine his surprise when his sister-in-law showed up on his doorstep around midnight, and asked him to look after her three young kids. While the guy admits he was pretty wasted, he was still enough within his senses to say no to babysitting. He felt it'd be irresponsible care for his nieces and nephew while intoxicated. He wasn't quite prepared for the backlash that followed. And some netizens are equally stunned.
He normally doesn't drink in the week but made an exception when some old friends came to town
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
When his SIL rocked up unannounced at midnight with her three kids, all h**l broke loose
Image credits: Anna_Ostanina (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RefusedBabysitting
"He made the right decision": an expert weighs in
Having agreed to watch the children while under the influence of anything, would have been irresponsible. So says Etiquette Expert Rosalinda Randall. She believes the uncle made the right decision, not only for himself, but for his nieces and nephews as well.
Randall adds that there was no guarantee that the children would sleep through the night. "Because their uncle was no doubt going to pass out for the night, he would not have been alert to the children’s needs. And heaven forbid one of the children required a trip to the emergency," the expert told Bored Panda.
"Taking on the responsibility of someone else’s children is intimidating enough; being tired, h**h, drunk, or entertaining out of town guests is a fiasco waiting to happen," she added.
Randall believes it wouldn't have mattered if the uncle expressed his refusal to babysit in a different way. "It seems that the SIL was so distraught, that she would ignore or deem any explanation or reasoning unworthy," she explained. "The door slam may have been cause by his altered state of mind. And perhaps his only choice since SIL wasn’t going to accept his decision."
"If he would have agreed to watch them until she found alternate babysitters, he’d be waiting all night long," added Randall. "If he asked her come in to make calls for an alternate babysitter, she probably would have left the children and fled."
We asked the etiquette expert whether she believes the SIL was right to rock up at midnight. "It is certainly understandable to be by a parent’s side in time of crisis," she replied. "However, when you have a family of your own, their well-being becomes one’s primary concern. Knowing her father was present, could have been somewhat comforting."
However, Randall says the SIL could have called first to make sure the uncle was home before dropping in. "It would have saved her a trip and prompted her to call someone else or her husband." Another option was to take the children to the hospital even though it's not the most convenient or ideal situation. "She could have asked uncle to come by in a few hours to pick up the children, once he slept if off," suggested Randall.
Image credits: Adi Goldstein (not the actual photo)
How can the family move forward to restore peace?
The entire situation has now escalated to the point that the uncle is being kept away from the children. We asked Randall how the family should move forward to restore peace.
"Sometimes we need to step back an reevaluate the situation. We need to consider the circumstances, the imposition and where the responsibility lies," she replied. "With three children, they have only one person whom they count on. This is the case with many families. However, it is their burden to have a plan in place for emergency situations."
"Alienating the uncle is only hurting the children," added Randall. "As is bad-mouthing their uncle. They need to get over this incident and thank him for putting the children first. Refusing to endanger them or unable to tend to their needs. And they need to remember that emergencies are rarely convenient."
Randall adds that even though he's not to blame, the uncle could take the first step by asking to meet with his brother and SIL when the children are not present.
Image credits: charlesdeluvio (not the actual photo)
Some advice on how to say 'no' to a babysitting request without causing drama:
Randall cautions that assumptions, expectations, and imposing upon others will lead to unsatisfying results.
"As parents we want our children to be with someone that looks forward to spending time with them, or is well paid to do so. And more importantly, where they will be secure and safe," she told us.
Declining to babysit does not require an explanation, added Randall. "Typically, the more you explain, the more the willful parent will figure out a way for you to make it work, for them."
A simple and honest, “I’m unable to help you this time” is all that's needed, she says. Or, if you want to soften the refusal, “Your children are a delight, but I’m not available this time.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The guy gave more info when prompted by netizens
"The only responsible adult": Many people felt the uncle did the right thing
