Having a cool 12th birthday party is a big deal, you know? You want to be the coolest person in your class, for everybody to be talking about your birthday and for only the coolest people to be able to attend. However, when you are 12, sometimes moms may get in the way and destroy our epic plans…
Well, about that - not long ago, one Reddit user shared her story online asking community members if she was being unfair for telling her daughter to invite all her classmates, including ‘uncool’ kids that she excluded, to her birthday party.
More info: Reddit
Being ‘mean girls’ may look, let’s say, powerful, but it’s always better to be kind to everybody
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
Daughter plans to have a ‘cool’ birthday party with a lot of friends
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
As it turns out, she plans to invite the whole class except 2 girls, because they have no fashion sense and are boring
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
Mom adds that her daughter has changed a lot and she didn’t like the way she was talking, so she instructed her to invite everybody
Image credits: u/CuteCoyote2080
Her daughter got upset and called this unfair as it’s her birthday and it’s supposed to be for her
A Reddit user shared her story online asking folks for their opinions regarding the recent situation with her daughter’s 12th birthday party planning. The woman asks if she was wrong for instructing her daughter to invite everybody from her class, including 2 girls that were excluded as they are ‘uncool’. The post received 5.5K upvotes and almost 3K comments.
She starts by explaining that her daughter is well liked in school, has many friends and wants to have a ‘cool’ birthday party which she plans to spend playing laser tag. She's even planning the color themes, decorations and invitations - so, as you can see, it's a big deal. However, when printing invitations, she shared that she is inviting everybody from her class except 2 girls.
OP found out that these girls hadn't hurt her daughter, she just doesn’t like them, because nobody likes them as they have no fashion sense and are boring in general. Mom didn’t agree with this view and instructed her daughter to invite everybody, which was met with the daughter’s frustration.
The post author received the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge but community members shared similar situations they have been through and had different memories. “In middle school (13 yo) I was a forced invitee to a popular girl’s b-day party. Had to invite the whole class, exactly like this. I was actually really happy. It just felt nice to be included for once, and I had a really great time,” one user remembered.
On the contrary, another wrote “I was the girl that someone forced their daughter to invite to a sleepover/birthday. It was awful. Nobody really wanted to talk to me.”
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Additionally, we contacted Vicki Broadbent, Bored Panda’s parenting expert, and she kindly agreed to share her insights regarding influence on a kid's early friendships, how parents can address judgments of other kids with their children and red flags that parents can spot from their kids’ friendships.
To begin with, Vicki shares that early friendships can be formative and being excluded, especially in school, can have long-lasting effects. “It took me years personally to overcome being excluded by a group of so-called friends in the first week of starting high school.”
“I was alone for weeks, friendless, eating my lunch in the school toilet (!) before finding a new friendship group and it honestly took therapy as an adult and years to overcome trust issues with new friends because of it,” she adds. Now, she teaches her children repeatedly how important it is to include everyone and uses the motto “you can sit with me”.
Additionally, the parenting expert notes that children are easily impressionable, so sitting down with them and candidly but gently discussing any friendship issues at school is key. Encourage them to feel empathy towards those excluded, such as by asking them to imagine how they would feel if they were in their place, followed by asking them for suggestions on how they can rectify the issues.
Vicki notes that speaking about the girls that criticize the other two shows their immaturity and how impressionable they are. “We were all young once so whilst we can be compassionate towards their naive behavior, we also have a duty to guide them and ditto to prevent others from feeling upset or bullied,” she adds.
So by guiding and advising how to be open to everyone, not judging others on their appearance or choices and celebrating everyone’s individuality and brilliance shining through is critical. Vicki advises parents that it’s a must to practice and demonstrate what they preach. And if the behavior prevails, practically taking your children out of their limiting friendship group more, nurturing new friendships through sports, music or drama classes outside of the pressures which exist at school could help open their eyes to a different way of behaving and acting.
Now, speaking about this exact situation, Vicki emphasizes “I think the parents did the morally right thing here, they were inclusive and kind, modeling caring behavior to their child who was hosting the party. This way too, the ball is in the court of the usually excluded girls to decide whether they are comfortable in attending the party or not.”
And what do you think about this situation? Was the parent right to include all the kids from the class, or did the birthday girl have every right to decide by herself who she wants to invite? Share your opinion below!
Redditors had discussion and various opinions regarding this situation
