Anybody who has followed my BoredPanda posts knows that I've seen a lot of crazy shit at Starbucks.
I have seen everything from a babbling coked-up goth girl to a freakin' wizard who, without having bought a thing, sat around and weaved his hands in space, presumably casting spells.
I've seen a Jedi master pacing back and forth, working the force on employees.
I've seen a woman go on a kissing spree with all of the other customers.
I've seen an aspiring rap artist freestyle for customers and try to hustle CDs.
I've seen a guy come in with a rotary phone, talk on it and transfer the call to some other line.
As I write this at Starbucks—and I’m not making this up—I just saw a woman dressed like a gypsy, complete with all the bells and whistles, go into the restroom, stay way too long and after finally reemerging, walk up to the bar, mumble some weird shit to the barista and leave. I just asked the barista what the woman said. She laughed and said, “I have no idea. Something about, ‘It’s clean now.’” This just happened. Just now.
I've seen people take the comfy couch and sleep. For. A. Very. Long. Time.
I've seen people sit around and bum the Wi-Fi without buying a thing.
I’ve even seen people hang out and—wait for it—do absolutely nothing. Yeah. I’ve seen this.
Actually, that last one is what I and most people see the most, so much so that I don’t think anybody considers it weird. If a guy just wants to sit around and stare into space, instead of at, say, a small screen, that’s his business. It’s a little creepy sometimes, but none of my business.
So yeah, people tend to come to Starbucks to plant their freak flag, but of all the freaky shit I've seen at Starbucks, I can honestly say that I’ve never seen anybody arrested for “trespassing.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen employees and managers eject people for causing a disturbance, like the woman who went on a crazy kissing spree. But arrested for trespassing? That’s a new one for me, and, apparently, for the 4+ million other people who watched the video of two African-American males being arrested for “trespassing” in a Philadelphia Starbucks.
They were handcuffed, escorted out and, apparently, detained until 1am before being released. The crime? Waiting for a friend. Freaky.
Despite corroborating accounts that the men did nothing, not even while they were being arrested, the ol’ “they must have done something” arrived right on time to equivocate the mere suggestion of black innocence. Don’t worry; I won’t say the R-word. I, too, am African-American, and nothing gets the stubborn skeptic rolling cartwheels with the eyes quite like the dreaded R-word. Right after the roll of the eyes comes, “they must have done something.” You know, like, maybe they were two coked-up, babbling, loitering wizards or something. Just a guess.
For the past 8 years and counting, I’ve been using Starbucks as office space. For the cost of a cup of coffee, I get Wi-Fi and my own table and chair, sometimes I even score the comfy seat, although usually that’s claimed by somebody who is, well, you know, sitting around doing nothing. Usually this person is homeless and it is not uncommon to see the employees offer these folks a glass of water and then leave them be. It’s not unusual for me to spend an entire day working in Starbucks, which means that, yes, I’m a bit creepy too. Thankfully, despite this, I’ve been able to work without incident. Sometimes the baristas even bring me a glass of water. So I am not here to accuse Starbucks of the R-word. Breathe easy, my white brothers and sisters, there will be no black rage on this day. Some other day, perhaps; but not today. However, Starbucks appears to have hired a manager who, to put it mildly, does not represent the spirit and goodwill of that company. If Starbucks wants my advice, instead of 86’ing two black guys who are just hangin’ out, 86 that manager. That mother fucker is racist. There, I said it and I’m gonna leave it at that because I can feel the rage coming.
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