You’d expect your family to be happy that you’re in a healthy marriage with a great partner. But if they can’t celebrate your wins and look for ways to hurt your self-esteem, you may want to rethink your relationship with them.
One woman, u/PerfumeInABottle, asked the AITA online community if she was wrong to insult her sister. The author shared how she called out her sibling for her toxic behavior and jealous comments about the Easter gift her husband had gotten her. Scroll down to read the full story.
Family members who can't be happy for you and disrespect your boundaries ought to be called out
Image credits: macniak / Envato (not the actual photo)
One woman revealed how her husband made her a nice Easter basket. However, her sister made some toxic comments about it
Image credits: maxiesmom23 / Reddit (not the actual photo)
Image credits: PerfumeInABottle
Toxic people tend to crave drama and attention, and they enjoy putting you down to feel better
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The sad but unavoidable reality is that not all of your relatives are going to be, well, decent, kind, caring, and good people. Everyone has flaws. Unless you get super lucky, some of your family members might have some downsides that make it particularly difficult to get along with them.
However, when it comes to your relatives, you may have a blind spot. It’s not always easy to recognize (and then admit) that they have toxic traits. And it’s difficult to call them out for their behavior when they cross your boundaries.
But if you don’t defend your boundaries, toxic individuals will continue crossing them, as their behavior doesn’t have any negative consequences that might force them to change. Trust and respect form the foundation for healthy boundaries, and toxic individuals are both untrustworthy and disrespectful to you.
Some of the main red flags that indicate that an individual is a toxic person include craving attention, inconsistent behavior, a constant desire for drama, disrespecting your boundaries, manipulation, jealousy, competitiveness, and avoiding taking responsibility for their actions.
According to WebMD, toxic people exhibit erratic behavior, don’t follow through on their commitments or promises, and you never quite know what they’re going to do next.
They are also incredibly narcissistic and self-centered. They suffer from low self-esteem, so they try to put you down and one-up you to feel better about themselves. In short, if someone can’t be happy for you, they are toxic.
Though it's not your job to fix toxic individuals, you can help them realize that they may need to get professional help
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Furthermore, toxic individuals tend to thrive in dramatic situations, so they’ll try to create conflict and inflame everyone’s emotions where they can. “They love stirring the pot to see what happens. It's the opposite of the kind of behavior that builds stable, healthy relationships.”
Meanwhile, if you do end up calling out a toxic person for their awful behavior, they’ll likely try to dodge any and all responsibility. They might act outraged, blame you, or they’ll accuse you of being “too sensitive.” In a nutshell, they’ll try to gaslight you.
“If you notice toxic behaviors, don't stay silent and hope the person will change. Call them out on lies or inconsistencies. Tell them you don’t appreciate their behavior. This shows them that you’re paying attention — and gives them a chance to explain themselves or apologize,” WebMD encourages.
While it’s not your job to fix the toxic person, you can help them get help. That being said, it’s likely they won’t admit that they need any help in the first place.
So, you have to make sure that whatever happens, you set stricter boundaries and then protect them.
How would you have handled things if you were in the author’s shoes? Have you ever gotten into a major argument with a relative around the holidays? How do you deal with drama at home and elsewhere? How do you protect your boundaries when it comes to your family members? We’d like to hear your thoughts! You can share them in the comments.
Later on, the author shared more details about the Easter basket drama
The internet had a lot to say about the family argument. Many people were supportive of the author
However, not everyone was on the same page. Some folks called everyone out
