There is no excuse for a parent to abuse their child. Literally none. The sad reality is that just because someone’s given birth to you won’t necessarily mean that they will treat you well. In fact, some ‘parents’ are monstrous.
Redditor u/NattyNyx shared an emotional story about finally moving out from an abusive home. Not only did she finally get away for university, she also ended up sharing all of the dirt she’d collected about her mother’s awful behavior. Read on for the full story and the update about the aftermath. Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the post, u/NattyNyx, who opened up about what happened and shared some advice with those who might be in a similar situation. "Moving out and cutting my family out of my life has been the best thing that I ever did," she said.
Meanwhile, Bored Panda also reached out to the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy for comment about healing after years of abuse and neglect and supporting loved ones who have been victims of trauma. BACP member, psychotherapist, and counsellor Baljit Kamal from Well Space Therapy was kind enough to shed some light on these questions. You’ll find her insights as you read on.
No child should have to suffer abuse or neglect at home
Image credits: varyapigu (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how she finally got away from her mother and shared the evidence of her horrendous behavior
Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NattyNyx
She later shared an important update on the internet
Image credits: varyapigu (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NattyNyx
The young woman started a new chapter of her life after leaving for university
Not only did the mother physically, emotionally, and verbally abuse her daughter, she also created the illusion that she was a wonderful parent. To the outside world, she was the “best mom.” However, redditor u/NattyNyx had an ace up her sleeve. She’d been secretly documenting her mom’s horrendous behavior and real character.
Right after leaving for university, she sent the evidence to her relatives, as well as her neighbors. The fallout, according to the OP’s update, was immense.
“My mother is losing it. Thank goodness that she doesn't know where exactly my friend lives or I guarantee you she would be here,” u/NattyNyx wrote.
The Reddit community came out in full support of the author. They advised her to bring all of her important documents with her when she left. She also got in touch with her university to let them know that they should never rely on her mother’s opinions if she ever gets in touch with them. Not only that, the OP said that she’s considering seeing a therapist to start healing.
Unfortunately, child abuse is very widespread, even in developed nations. In the United States alone, more than 600,000 children are abused each year. According to the National Children’s Alliance, these are unique incidents of abuse and neglect. It’s also likely that these incidents are underreported.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
"I'm doing good at Uni and I and my roommate really get along"
"The response on Reddit has mostly been positive and helpful. I found so many people who went through similar things to me and regretted not coming forward when they could. I admit, at first, I posted this as a form of catharsis, but seeing the people's response encouraged me even more," redditor u/NattyNyx shared with Bored Panda.
"But it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. Nothing in life ever is. There were people in the comments saying I was just like my mother and saying other nasty things. But the positive overwhelmed the bad, and I did it anyways," she told us what the responses to her posts have been like.
"Moving out and cutting my family out of my life has been the best thing that I ever did. I didn't even realize how much my mother's behavior was truly stressing me out until I was finally free. I'm doing good at Uni and I and my roommate really get along. I got a job and I'm attending therapy. Overall, I'm happy with where my life is and where it seems to be heading," the author of the post said.
She was kind enough to share some advice with those who might be in a similar situation as she was. "If you're in an abusive household and are too scared to move out or speak up, what I suggest is that you at least let your closest friend(s) know. Having a support system is really important in these situations. At some of my hardest and lowest moments, my best friend is what kept me afloat," she told Bored Panda.
"And, try and learn some self-defense. Doesn't matter if it's from an official trainer or YouTube, but you really need a way to protect yourself from any major harm. Even having a strong enough kick can keep you from sustaining too much damage. Trust me, it got me out of getting my arm broken (Dad in that particular case)."
Child abuse and neglect are widespread, and parents are most often the perpetrators
Abuse has very negative impacts on children, and young kids are the most vulnerable. Around 15% of all maltreatment victims are younger than one year old, and 28% are younger than two years of age. In the US, girls are abused more often than boys (8.7 per 1,000 vs. 7.5 per 1,000).
Sadly, it’s the child’s parents themselves who are most often the perpetrators of abuse and neglect. According to the statistics from 2021, 77% of all cases involved a parent victimizing their kid. That year alone, 1,820 children lost their lives from abuse and neglect in the US, with boys more likely to suffer this fate than girls (3.01 per 1,000 vs. 2.15 per 1,000).
The National Children’s Alliance states that, in the United States, neglect (76%) is the most common form of abuse, followed by physical abuse (16%).
If you’re being abused or you strongly suspect that someone in your local area is mistreating their children, it’s imperative that you get in touch with the authorities. They’ll know how to proceed and will support you, and help put some distance between the victims and their abusers.
However, years of trauma won’t simply melt away in the span of a few weeks or months. It’s essential that victims reach out to a therapist to work out what’s been going on, heal, reclaim their sense of power, and move on with their lives.
Image credits: Yuris Alhumaydy (not the actual photo)
There are a number of strategies that can improve mental health and well-being after trauma
According to BACP member and psychotherapist Kamal, the founder of Well Space Therapy, childhood emotional neglect (also known as CEN) does not disappear when someone grows up. “Adults carry it with them into their lives, and it affects everything from relationships, self-image, and our mental well-being. But emotional neglect is something you can recover from,” she told Bored Panda.
According to Kamal, some of the strategies to improve one’s mental health and well-being after trauma include accepting that your feelings, needs, and wants matter as much as anyone else’s. “This may mean doing more of the talking in a friendship, voicing your needs clearly to others,” she explained.
The psychotherapist shared some other strategies as well:
- “Start to express your needs. People recovering from CEN typically keep their emotions hidden or even feel ‘numb.’ When you begin to treat yourself as if you matter, the people in your life begin to see you differently and respond to you differently. They start to see your personality, your emotions, and your needs.
- Practice self-soothing. Self-soothing is something that most people learn how to do as children when being soothed by the adults who love them. If you grew up with emotional neglect, you likely may never have learned this skill.
- Practice compassion for yourself: when you start developing compassion for yourself it means you are giving way to yourself to understand your own worth.
- Stay connected to your support system. The best way to overcome childhood emotional neglect is to share your feelings with someone you trust.
- Set healthier boundaries with those around you, keeping in contact with those you trust and who provide a healthy level of support.
- Find healthy activities that help with self-expression/building confidence.”
Image credits: Andrew Le (not the actual photo)
It's vital to listen with an open mind and a supportive attitude
BACP member Kamal highlighted the fact that everyone heals at their own pace. You can support a loved one recovering from trauma by being there for them as an active listener. “Give them space to talk about what they've been through, and respond with empathy, respect, compassion, and patience. Be honest about how you can provide support and help them seek out a professional when needed,” she said.
“Most people will not start to talk about difficult experiences unless encouraged to do so and, for this to happen, they will need to be with someone they trust, in a place they feel safe. It is easier for the person who has experienced abuse to talk about what is happening if questions are asked in a way that shows your kindness and concern.”
However, the psychotherapist noted that many people struggle to identify with the labels of ‘domestic abuse’ or ‘neglect.’ Instead, you could start a conversation by asking the person about how things are going in their relationship.
“If the person starts to talk about the abuse, try to listen with an open mind and a supportive attitude even if you don’t agree with what the person is saying. It can be difficult not to offer opinions about the relationship, but this is unhelpful because it tends to stop the person talking and they may feel that they can’t bring it up at a later time with you,” Kamal said.
“Instead, some of the important things are to let the person know that you believe them, to reassure them that it is not their fault that the abuse is happening, to tell the person that you are concerned and worried about them, and to let them know that you want to help.”
She explained that you yourself don’t need to have all the answers, but “by listening you will be helping the person to admit what is happening, and this will break the silence around the situation.”
The counsellor explained to Bored Panda that ending a relationship with an adult or family member is an extremely difficult decision to make. Thus, it may take the person some time to decide to do this and to work out how to do it safely. Creating a safety plan is often helpful in these situations, Kamal suggested.
“Seek help from a qualified and professional or a therapist who is trained to support in this area. Here a mental health professional may help to explore the past traumatic events. Anyone looking for counselling or psychotherapy should search for a therapist who is on a Professional Standards Authority accredited register, such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP),” the psychotherapist said.
“If someone is suspecting that their neighbor or relative may be abusing their child- depending upon the severity of this, is to report it. Prevention and early intervention are key.”
Here's what the internet had to say in support of the author of the post
