Children throw tantrums for various reasons. Maybe they're hungry, tired, or overstimulated. Even if they've rested and been fed, sometimes going out to the shops or to a restaurant with young kids can still become a game of Russian Roulette. You don't always know what to expect. You can only hope they'll keep calm and carry on.
However, the tables turned for one mom. The pregnant woman shared how it wasn't her 5-year-old who threw a massive tantrum in a cafe recently, but rather a fully grown woman who appeared to be in her fifties. The "unbalanced" Karen went completely off the rails and hurled her toys (and a few bizarre insults) out of the cot, verbally attacking the woman's "cute little family" all because she felt entitled to the window table the family was being seated at. By the end of it all, the mom's young child was so confused and stunned that he thought he might be to blame for Cafe Karen's behavior. His mom wasn't quite sure what to say. Bored Panda reached out to renowned clinical psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Sheryl Ziegler to ask for her advice.
Snacks and drinks at a nice cafe turned into a nightmare for one pregnant woman and her family
Image credits: Jordan González / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
They encountered an "unbalanced" Karen whose tantrums over a table could put a toddler to shame
Image credits: freestocks / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Bea3ce
"When we feel big emotions, we can take deep breaths... instead of yelling”: a psychologist weighs in
Image credits: Darius Bashar / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
"When a young child witnesses someone acting rudely or yelling in public, it’s important to explain the situation in a way that is calm, age-appropriate, and reassuring of safety," Dr. Sheryl Ziegler told Bored Panda when we asked what advice she has for the mom.
Ziegler is an expert when it comes to child psychology and parenting. Her new book The Crucial Years is being released soon. It’s an “Essential Guide To Mental Health And Modern Puberty In Middle Childhood (Ages 6-12)”. She’s also the podcast host of Dr. Sheryl’s PodCouch, so we were thrilled when she agreed to chat to Bored Panda about the mom’s predicament.
The expert says when faced with a situation like this, parents should stay calm and provide reassurance to their young child or children. She advised that they say something like, “That person is really upset right now, and sometimes people, even adults, have a hard time controlling their emotions. But I am going to keep you safe, and we aren't going to get involved.”
Ziegler adds that it's important to normalize the feelings, but not the behavior. You can acknowledge that clearly 'Karen' was upset about something. Maybe it had nothing to do with the table or seat, and definitely nothing that the child did. "Explain that yelling or being rude to the waiter or to them as a family isn’t okay, no matter how upset she was," advised the expert.
An example of what to say is, “Everyone gets frustrated or angry at times, but it’s important to express those feelings in a way that doesn't scare or make people feel unsafe.”
Parents should model kindness and emotional regulation, says Ziegler. "If your child asks why the person is behaving that way, you can say 'We don’t know exactly what’s going on in their life but I know when we feel big emotions, we can take deep breaths, take a break or use our words calmly instead of yelling'.”
She adds that you should answer a young child's questions in a simple way. For example, “Some people have a hard time controlling their anger. That’s why we practice, when we aren't mad, things like deep breathing and using our words. So when we are mad, we know what to do other than yell and scream."
Ziegler's final tip is to redirect and move on. "Once you’ve acknowledged the situation, shift focus to something positive or move away or leave if necessary," she suggests. You could say something like “Let’s keep going with our day. What should we do next?”
The psychologist tells Bored Panda at the end of the day, safety always comes first. "Use these challenges as opportunities to talk and learn and teach."
How Karens can come down to earth: according to the experts
A quick Google search about entitled people brought up quite an ironic result. Here’s what one article from WebMD read in the first few lines… “We’ve all met people who have a sense of entitlement. Maybe it’s that person who tried to cut in front of you at the coffee shop. Perhaps it was someone who demanded to be seated before you at a busy restaurant without a reservation.” Coffee shop Karen is guilty as charged... on both counts.
The article goes on to define entitlement mentality as “a sense of deservingness or being owed a favor when little or nothing has been done to deserve special treatment.” It’s the “you owe me” attitude, explains the writer.
Image credits: Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
We aren’t too surprised to learn that entitlement is a narcissistic personality trait and could stem from a number of factors. Including, but not limited to, your childhood environment, the way your parents treated you, whether you did your own problem-solving or whether you depended on an adult, and your relationship with authority figures.
If you happen to be suffering from a bout of entitlement, first, you need to check yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. "Use respect and kindness when interacting with others," notes the WebMD site. "Everyone is a human being with feelings and struggles of their own. Go easy on others. Be sympathetic to their needs."
Fall down once, get up twice is also a good rule to live by. The experts at WebMD say it helps to treat failure as a learning tool; don't be too hard on yourself.
But shame, Cafe Karen. We feel for you. According to the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, entitled people don't always have it easy.
"Entitled people have high expectations that often go unmet, which can lead to disappointment and psychological distress," reads the site. "Entitled individuals are also more likely to have difficulty maintaining positive relationships with other people, and they often believe they are being treated unfairly." Even when it comes to cute little families...
The pregnant mom gave some more info in the comments section
"What. A. Psychopath": netizens sympathized with the mom
"We had to call the police": People shared their own similar stories
