Some people manage to divorce peacefully, but in most cases, it requires some litigation, especially if there is a lot of money, valuable estate and children involved. However, most of the time, the process ends with definitive solutions.
But not for this man, who agreed to allow his ex-wife to live in his family home until their daughter was 18 and then was thinking of suing her because she didn’t move out by the agreed time. Things got complicated when the daughter started defending her mother and the dad, who wants his family house back, is afraid of how he will look to his child.
More info: Reddit
Man divorces his wife but allows her to live in his inherited house until their daughter is an adult, but she breaks the agreement
Image credits: viviandnguyen_ (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) divorced his wife 15 years ago when their daughter was 3 years old. Before the divorce, they had been living in the husband’s family house that he inherited during the marriage. The OP thought that the relationship would last forever, so he wasn’t hesitant to put his wife’s name as an official owner with him.
But it didn’t last as long and when the couple split, the woman was fighting to get the house for herself. Because it was remortgaged twice and because the OP was earning more than his ex-wife, who wouldn’t have had anywhere to go, which was not ideal because she was sharing custody, his attorney believed that both of them had equal chances of winning.
When the author of the story divorced his wife, their daughter was about 3 years old and they were living in his family house he inherited
Image credits: RunLive1056
That is why he suggested the OP agree to a compromise, which was to allow the ex-wife to live in the house until their daughter turned 18 and then the OP would get it back. The agreement didn’t allow the ex-wife to make any modifications to the house without a written permission but all the utilities, maintenance, and property taxes were the OP’s responsibility.
Since their daughter’s 18th birthday was approaching, the OP reminded his ex-wife of their agreement and when it passed, he came to the house with a contractor, wanting to discuss what work he wants to be done on it.
The man shared ownership of the house with his wife and she had big chances of winning it if they tried to go to court
Image credits: RunLive1056
First of all, he was surprised his ex-wife was still living there and it didn’t seem that she was packing to leave. Second of all, he saw that she had demolished a wall and turned his 4-bedroom house into a 3-bedroom, which usually devalues a house, and he noticed that it wasn’t done by a professional, which was one of the conditions of their agreement.
This was a clear violation of their divorce contract and not only did he give her until the end of the week to leave, but he threatened to sue her over the modifications she made to his house. Although the OP has the full right to evict his ex-wife and sue her for breaching the contract, his daughter disagrees.
That is why the man accepted a compromise: he allowed his wife to live in the house until their daughter turned 18
Image credits: RunLive1056
The ex-wife told her daughter about what her dad is planning to do and the 18-year-old asked him to give her mom more time to find a place to live, because it’s so heartless of him to leave her without a home right before Christmas. She also asked him not to sue her mom and the OP is now torn because the wife had 15 years to sort this out, but she didn’t, but he has a good relationship with his child so he wouldn’t want to ruin it.
Many people were confused why the daughter didn’t tell her dad about what her mom was doing, but the OP explained that he asked her to. The man never talked about why they divorced, but from the story, you can feel that it was a painful moment in his life, so when he spent time with his daughter, he never wanted to talk about her mother unless she was doing something that would affect her negatively.
He also paid the bills and taxes while she lived there for free, but the ex-wife couldn't make any modifications without permission
Image credits: RunLive1056
In the comments, most people were saying that the OP was not in the wrong. They had a legal agreement and 15 years was plenty of time to figure out what to do next, especially when her ex-husband sent her reminders.
It didn’t matter if it was Christmas or not - she was not keeping up with her promise and she already broke the rule of making renovations only with OP’s permission. But the readers understood the dad’s concerns about how he will look in his daughter’s eyes, so they suggested he talk with her as they had a hunch she didn’t know anything, especially after the man added the edit saying that he never talked about his ex-wife with her.
15 years passed and the man went to take a look at the house, but was not let in by his ex-wife until he threatened to call the police
Image credits: RunLive1056
Talking about your divorce with your children is not easy and you may not want to do so, but they at least need to know what is happening. Collaborative Practice North Bay says that you don’t need to give them specific details. They don’t even think that it’s appropriate, but “While you don’t want to share details of a personal nature, be prepared to give some type of general explanation without blame.”
Blaming the other parent is a big temptation, and although the professionals at Collaborative Practice North Bay understand that “You may feel that you want your children to know the 'truth but if this will cause your children to feel caught in a loyalty bind, it isn’t healthy for them. The 'truth' is less important than providing the support and reassurance that your children need.”
Ann Gold Buscho Ph.D., writing for Psychology Today, agrees that parents often want to tell their kids who was the cheater or the irresponsible one, but advises not to because “unless there has been abandonment, serious abuse or neglect, the children’s need for a good relationship with both parents is more important than their need to know about the discord and conflict between their parents.”
He saw that she made renovations and didn't seem to plan on leaving, so he threatened to kick her out and sue for violating their agreement
Image credits: RunLive1056
Maybe the silence about his ex-wife was OP’s way of trying to not talk badly about her with his daughter, but it seems that he is determined to have a conversation and explain why he wishes to have his daughter’s mom out of the house.
Do you think that in this case, OP using his legal right to evict his ex-wife and sue her is moral? Do you think the dad should take his daughter’s opinion into consideration? What do you think of the ex-wife’s behavior? Leave us your thoughts in the comments.
The 18-year-old daughter chose her mom's side, but people in the comments agreed that the woman already had plenty of time to move out
