Many curly-haired individuals can agree that taking care of their curls sometimes can be a full-time job. That's why finding something that eases this burden can be lifesaving. For example, a bonnet, which some people think is only for black people. A quick Google search can debunk this idea, but not everyone looks it up before spreading it.
Like the woman from today's story. She got mad seeing her boyfriend's daughter wearing a bonnet, which caused a dramatic fight. Funnily enough, all of this could have been avoided if the woman had been able to admit she was wrong.
More info: Reddit
Some people like to fight pointless fights and never admit they're in the wrong
A woman's dad brings over his new girlfriend to visit, and she attacks the woman for wearing a bonnet to bed while being white
Image credits: Jonas Svidras / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She claims it's racist and cultural appropriation, which quickly gets debunked by the woman and her friend
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She was wearing this bonnet because her curly hair required it, no other reason
Image credits: spankthepank
So, when the dad's girlfriend didn't admit she was wrong and demanded an apology for her hurt feelings, the woman kicked both her and her dad out
The OP is a white woman who has super thin and curly hair. Every morning she used to have to deal with giant knots and frizzy hair, as sleeping would create the worst bedhead for her. That was until her friend, who is black and wears a bonnet, gifted her one.
Typically, wearing a bonnet to bed shields the hair from friction and prevents moisture absorption into cotton pillowcases, as well as breakage and knots. For those with curly hair, bonnets help ease their haircare, as they have to deal with fewer knots, frizziness, and stuff like that.
That’s what these caps did for the original poster. Now, in the mornings her hair no longer looks crazy. Yet, the bonnet itself isn’t why this Reddit post came to be.
The woman’s dad came to visit and brought his new girlfriend. The women met for the first time, as apparently, the dad likes to change girlfriends pretty often. Yet, despite being a stranger, this one criticized the OP’s bonnet-wearing. She called her racist for wearing “culturally appropriating headwear.” For context, she is also white, just like the author.
Well, the original poster doesn’t think she’s appropriating anything. Many people online agree. Here, this Reddit answer says that hair bonnets are more about hair type than someone's race or ethnicity.
In fact, Encyclopedia Britannica describes cultural appropriation as members of a majority group adopting cultural elements of a minority group in an exploitative, stereotypical, and simply disrespectful way. So, as the article in Union Street Journal put it, if a person wears a bonnet without malicious intent, for instance, to get benefits for their hair and not to make fun of black people, it’s okay. As long as they don’t refer to it with some racist nickname or anything like that.
Well, the OP’s friend, who gifted her the bonnet in the first place, didn’t think it was cultural appropriation either. The dad’s girlfriend took the friend’s answer to her accusations as an invalidation of her beliefs.
After the argument, she stormed off “to cool off” and later came back demanding an apology from the original poster. Apparently, her feelings were hurt, but the OP wasn’t planning to apologize for that. Instead, she told her to get out.
Image credits: gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The dad expressed that such an ending to the women's fight disappointed him, which resulted in him getting kicked out too. Pretty soon, they cut their trip short. Now, since then, he’s been spamming his daughter with texts demanding she apologize to his girlfriend and accusing her of breaking the woman’s heart.
Annoyed by this, the OP answered that she’d apologize to his next girlfriend with a white savior complex. After all, he changes them pretty often.
If you’re not sure what the white savior complex is, it basically refers to white people who consider themselves to be helpers of people of color, but who usually are helping for the wrong reasons or are fighting pointless fights.
Typically, people with this complex imagine that they have some sort of skills that the people they’re trying to help don’t, and thus they can make a change. In a way, this means that they consider themselves superior to others, most of the time without realizing it. Plus, quite usually their "help" leads to more negativity than positivity.
Like in the case of today’s story – a woman set on scolding someone for cultural appropriation, even though a black person told them it was nonsense. Instead of bringing positive change, this woman only brought drama to her boyfriend and his daughter’s relationship.
Not only that, but other people in the OP’s life, like her mom, also thought the daughter had overreacted by kicking her dad and his girlfriend out. So, she came on Reddit to ask whether she was actually the jerk here.
Folks there thought she wasn’t. First, she wasn’t racist for wearing a bonnet, as quite a few black people in the comments made sure to say. A lot of netizens also agreed with her opinion about the white savior complex and added that the woman was overly dramatic. Plus, the dad didn’t seem like a great dude either, at least in this situation.
So, maybe this whole situation will soon blow over when the dad changes his girlfriend again. If he doesn’t, because he found his "one" with this woman, let’s hope that they all will be able to patch up their relationship and, of course, that the woman will work on her white savior views and won’t be as insufferable next time.
The couple, along with some others in the woman’s life, thought she’d overreacted by kicking them out, so she asked people online for their opinion and they took her side
