People always say that you should marry your best friend. But if you happen to have a tie between the two people you consider to be your closest companions, you can marry one and make the other your maid of honor!
But when one bride recently learned that she couldn’t actually trust her maid of honor at all, she decided that would be the end of their friendship. Below, you’ll find a story that this bride shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as conversations with Jhona Yellin, Editor in Chief of Bespoke Bride, Jessica Bishop, Founder of Budget Savvy Bride, and Laura Turner, Founder of Thrifty Londoner.
Having a wedding is a huge financial burden for many couples
Image credits: Dillon Kydd (not the actual photo)
So after finding out her maid of honor had stolen her bachelorette party funds, this bride decided that would be the end of their friendship
Image credits: kayelle-99
"I was expecting maybe 10 people to comment on it, so it was really nice to feel so supported"
To learn more about this situation, we reached out to the bride who posted this story, Reddit user Kayelle-99. She shared an update on the situation, letting us know that she did inform her friends and family of the actual amount of money that was stolen, which made a significant difference in how they reacted.
"I think they were all assuming it was like $500," she explained. "In the end, we uninvited 4 people from the wedding, including my MOH, her mom, her boyfriend, and another bridesmaid who was more of M’s friend." Thankfully, the OP added that her wedding day ended up being great and free of drama.
She also noted that this behavior seemed to have come out of nowhere. "M was one of my more trusted friends, and she was friends with my husband as well," Kayelle-99 says. "We were unfortunately not aware of the credit card debt she was in, and are still unsure of what she was doing to rack up that amount of debt."
As far as what she thought of the responses to her post, the bride says they were "genuinely so nice" and all very helpful. "Just a little stressful with how many people thought I should pursue legal action two days before my wedding," she added with a laugh. "I was expecting maybe 10 people to comment on it, so it was really nice to feel so supported."
The OP also shared that her and her husband are in contact with an attorney in the early stages of a civil suit. "We’ve basically paid a retainer and handed over any evidence we have and will be working more on this when we return from our honeymoon," she explained. "We will be donating any money we receive from M as a result of the case to a local DV shelter, should the ruling be in our favor."
"J has already reimbursed the rest of the bridal party for any money they spent on attending my bachelorette party," Kayelle-99 continued, noting that her and her husband will not be pressing charges themselves. "Our attorney informed us that occasionally criminal charges will result from a civil case, pending if the evidence gathered would be enough to try such a case in criminal court. Should our DA wish to prosecute M, we will cooperate as needed."
Image credits: Vitor Monthay (not the actual photo)
“The role of the maid of honor in planning the bachelorette party is often akin to the director of a blockbuster movie"
To learn more about what is expected of a maid of honor, we reached out to wedding experts Jhona Yellin, Editor in Chief of Bespoke Bride, and Jessica Bishop, Founder of Budget Savvy Bride.
“The role of the maid of honor in planning the bachelorette party is often akin to the director of a blockbuster movie – they are the ones responsible for making sure it's an unforgettable, one-of-a-kind experience,” Jhona told Bored Panda. “Think of the maid of honor as the behind-the-scenes magician who takes the bride's dream vision and turns it into reality. She's the puppet master of the party strings, choreographing every detail from the location, theme, and activities to the guest list.”
“A maid of honor is typically the one responsible for planning the bachelorette party, which includes coordinating with the other bridesmaids and other close friends of the bride, selecting a venue, and arranging activities that reflect the bride's personality and preferences,” Jessica added.
But when it comes to financing the party, Jessica noted that the cost is generally shared among the bridal party and other guests. “It's not customary or expected that the bride's entire expense should be covered, especially if travel and accommodations are involved,” she explained.
“While the maid of honor takes the reins in planning, it's common for all attendees, including the bride, to contribute to the cost,” Jessica continued. “However, every bridal party is different, and it's essential to have open communication about expectations and budgets to ensure a memorable and stress-free celebration.”
"The low-key at-home weekend the MOH planned in this scenario barely scratched a fraction of that budget"
The experts also noted that the budget the fiancé in this story provided was extremely generous, both noting that the women could have gotten a luxurious vacation out of it. “On The Budget Savvy Bride, we often feature weddings under that amount, so that's a pretty penny for a weekend getaway," Jessica says. "With that kind of dough, you could whisk the bridal squad off to a luxury spa weekend, rent a fancy villa, hire a private chef, or even jet-set to an exotic locale. The low-key at-home weekend the MOH planned in this scenario barely scratched a fraction of that budget.”
“That's like being given a golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory!” Jhona told Bored Panda. “You could whisk the bride and her squad away to an exotic destination. Think lavish villas in Bali, a charming chateau in the French countryside, a glamorous bachelorette party, or a private island retreat in the Maldives. Throw in spa days, yacht parties, Michelin-starred dining, and even a surprise visit from Channing Tatum, and you've got yourself a bachelorette bonanza!”
But while most of us will have much less to work with when planning events like this, Jhona added, “Remember, it's not the budget that matters; it's the memories and the bride's preferences.”
As far as whether or not the bride in this story made the right choice, Jessica also says it’s hard not to sympathize with her. “Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and it seems like her maid of honor seriously breached that trust,” she noted. “The fact that the MOH essentially pocketed money that was given to her for the purposes of giving the bride an amazing party is a major betrayal. $25K is not a small amount of money, and she basically stole it, and didn't even seem too apologetic about it!”
“If she used the funds to pay off her credit card debt, shouldn't she still have given the bride a great experience for her bachelorette party?” Jessica asks. “While it's never easy to kick someone out of a wedding party, it may be for the best if the feelings are super raw for the bride.”
"It's vital for the bride to have a supportive, trustworthy team to rely on during the wedding journey"
“The trust factor here has been shattered into a million tiny heart-shaped confetti pieces,” Jhona added. “Trust is the glue that holds wedding relationships together, and when it crumbles, it's hard to put the pieces back together. Removing the maid of honor may have saved the bride from further stress and potential betrayal down the line. It's vital for the bride to have a supportive, trustworthy team to rely on during the wedding journey.”
“My advice to the bride in this gripping saga is to evaluate the situation with a calm and collected heart,” Jhona says. “In the grand play of weddings, conflicts are inevitable, and sometimes a character might slip up. It's essential to consider whether the maid of honor's actions were a one-time lapse in judgment or a reflection of her true character.”
“Ultimately, it's the bride's day, and she deserves to be surrounded by a cast that uplifts her, rather than one that adds stress and uncertainty,” the expert continued. “Every wedding story is unique, filled with twists and turns, and the bride should choose the path that feels right for her and her happily-ever-after ending.”
Jessica added that open communication is key in all aspects of wedding planning. “Be upfront about expectations and budgets with your bridal party to avoid any misunderstandings,” she explained. “And in this case, the groom maybe could have followed up with the MOH to ensure his generous contribution towards the party was being used appropriately.”
"Due to lots of stigma around having conversations about money, and emotions like shame surrounding debt, we don't have open and honest conversations about money very often"
We also wanted to delve into the financial aspect of this topic, so we also reached out to Laura Turner, founder of Thrifty Londoner. When it comes to lending money to a friend, she says that if you have the financial means to do so, and you want to help out your friend, you absolutely can. "But do it with the mindset that you are lending that friend money, and you may not see the money again," Laura notes. "Money arguments can ruin friendships, so only loan money to a friend if you won't miss the money if they don't repay you."
Laura also says a safer way the fiancé could have financed the bachelorette party would have been for him to tell the maid of honor the budget. "Then, work on the basis that [she] will ask him to pay the bill when an expense comes up," the financial expert explained. "For example, she books a hotel and it comes to a certain amount, she sends the payment details to the fiance and he pays from his own account."
As far as why it's so hard to trust people when it comes to money, Laura says it comes down to several factors. "The first is that, if we lend someone money, we have no way of guaranteeing that we get the money back," she noted. "This is worrying if you need to be repaid and can be stressful. You can't operate like a bank and charge them interest! And there are no legal documents involved."
"The second, is that we all have such different relationships with money, and beliefs when it comes to money," Laura continued. "It is unpredictable as to how someone will spend money (even if it's lent to them) and what their beliefs are when it comes to paying it back."
"Due to lots of stigma around having conversations about money, and emotions like shame surrounding debt, we don't have open and honest conversations about money very often," the Thrifty Londoner explained. "That further enforces the fact we are unlikely to have true insight into someone else's money situation, attitudes, and financial habits."
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing bachelorette party drama, look no further than right here!
Readers assured the bride that she did nothing wrong, and she chimed in on the conversation to share more details about the situation
