What is family for a person? You know, beyond the beautiful and high-flown words for which, for example, Dom Toretto is so famous, family - or rather, relatives - can also be an incredibly toxic environment. The source of numerous troubles and traumatic experiences. Even for an adult person.
Don't believe me? Then let's read this story together, from the user u/Enough_Cold_3590, whose mother-in-law had the misfortune of becoming a typical family scapegoat, and one can only hope that she managed to overcome all the problems in her life. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, family can become not a haven for anyone, but a truly toxic environment, bringing only negative experiences
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post recently hosted the Thanksgiving family party for the first time, and then the big family scandal arose
Image credits: Anna Tolipova / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author's mother-in-law was the person to blame, according to relatives, as the author says most of them just dislike her heavily
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This time, the lady took heat for just paying the bill for the party, and everyone started berating her and her husband
Image credits: Enough_Cold_3590
The host ended up kicking the mother-in-law out, and then decided to take this case online, seeking moral support
So, the Original poster (OP) recently hosted a family Thanksgiving gathering for the first time, and during the party, an unpleasant situation arose, which then turned into a major family drama. The thing is, our heroine essentially had to kick her own mother-in-law out of the house after her conflict with other family members.
The author explains that her MIL had long been something of a "black sheep" in her family. She didn't observe the religious norms common among her relatives. Everyone else considered her and her husband "obnoxious," and her siblings also disliked her because their dad always held her up as an example to them when they couldn't (or didn't want to) find a job.
And then, when everyone was already gathered, a conflict suddenly arose between the relatives when the family assumed that the MIL had stiffed the woman for the bill. She revealed that she hadn't, and she had paid her, and the family was furious. Everyone began cursing at the woman and her husband, while she only cried and tried to calm everyone down.
The OP tried to smooth things over, but the argument only escalated. At some point, the author decided to change course and asked the MIL to leave, because her presence, in the OP's words, "was ruining the whole party." So she did.
The poor lady stormed out in tears, but then accused the DIL of cowardice and pandering to her entitled fam. Interestingly, the mother-in-law's dad later told the author roughly the same thing, so the woman even decided to take this online, seeking support.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
By and large, the original poster provided no evidence that she and her relatives were right - either in this specific situation or in general - and that her mother-in-law was wrong. In fact, this woman just turned out to be a true family scapegoat - apparently simply because of her lukewarm attitude toward religion.
At the same time, being a family scapegoat is a highly traumatic experience. For example, this dedicated article at Very Well Mind notes the possible consequences of this condition: trauma, toxic relationships and environments, normalizing dysfunctional behavior, and difficulties with boundaries. At least several of the listed signs can be found in our story...
Experts recommend several proven methods for coping with and overcoming such a negative situation in a person's life, but of the five tips cited, for example, in this study, published on Psychology Today, only the last one - therapy - is likely applicable in our case. And, to some extent, another one - establishing personal boundaries and distancing themselves from those who consistently violate them.
It must be said that if the OP was hoping to find support or sympathy online, her hopes were not destined to be fulfilled. The overwhelming majority of commenters completely sided with the mother-in-law, subjecting both the author and her fam to merciless criticism. And the only way the OP could partially rectify the situation, according to readers, is to apologize to her MIL. So do you also agree with this point?
However, most commenters unanimously sided with her mother-in-law, dubbing both the author and her relatives toxic, and claiming they owe an apology to the poor lady
