There’s nothing like returning home after a work trip. The relief you feel knowing that you’re finally going to cook in your own kitchen, shower in your own bathroom and sleep in your own bed is indescribable.
So when one man entered his apartment after a work trip got cut short, he was expecting to find peace and quiet. Instead, however, he was greeted by a huge mess and his girlfriend’s family. Below, you’ll find the full story that he recently shared on Reddit, as well as a conversation with relationship expert and President of Couples Therapy Inc., Kathy McMahon, PsyD.
This man gave his girlfriend a key to his apartment because he trusted her
Image credits: Prostock-studio/Envato (not the actual photo)
But he never expected to find her family crashing at his place after returning home from a work trip
Image credits: marevgenna1985/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Elratum
Deciding to share your home with your partner is a big step
Image credits: Sigmund/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Knowing when to present your partner with a key to your place isn’t always easy. You don’t want to scare them off by showing up with it on the second date, but if you’ve been dating for years and they’re still not allowed into your home, that might create tension too.
According to a survey from YouGov, the majority of people believe that it’s appropriate to move in with a partner after dating for one year or less. And a quarter of men think only six months is enough time for a couple to decide to share their own place.
But, of course, there are risks to giving your partner a key, or deciding to share an apartment together, too soon. If the relationship is too fresh, the couple may not have built the communication skills necessary to have difficult conversations about small annoyances.
It’s inevitable for couples to have disagreements over things like how to wash the dishes or how to fold the towels. But it’s a lot easier to work through these minor conflicts when you’ve been together for a longer period of time.
To learn more about this particular situation from a relationship expert, we got in touch with Kathy McMahon, PsyD, President of Couples Therapy Inc. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share her perspective on this story.
“It is easy to get all mixed up in the details of this story; the destruction of property, invading personal belongings to hook up a PS2, theft of prescription medication, but let's slow down,” Dr. McMahon shared.
"The fact that she doesn't see anything wrong with this is not a red flag, it's a flag on fire"
Image credits: A. C./Unsplash (not the actual photo)
“His girlfriend could have asked him if her family could stay at his house while he was out of town. She could have told him before he left, so he could have prepared for strangers inhabiting his apartment, if he wanted to say yes. She didn't,” the expert noted. “Full stop. End of story.”
Dr. McMahon says that that's a horrible betrayal. “Everything else that came after it certainly made it worse,” she noted. “He wasn't his best self during the ‘discovery’ and outrage. Nevertheless, that's not the thing to focus on.”
The expert says that the real issue here is between the author and his girlfriend. “Not sure how someone comes to think that inviting a family from out of town to live in someone else's apartment for a vacation is okay,” Dr. McMahon shared. “Perhaps it is cultural. But whatever the reason, the fact that she doesn't see anything wrong with this is not a red flag, it's a flag on fire.”
The therapist also noted that there are some boundaries that shouldn't have to be spelled out in relationships. “Like ‘It's not okay to sleep with my sister.’ This doesn't rise to quite that level, but it's close, especially if they continue to argue about it. Yes, he is being gaslighted. And maybe exploited.”
Finally, we asked Dr. McMahon if it’s possible to re-establish boundaries to keep the relationship alive after an experience like this. “I suppose,” she says. “But I wouldn't want to have to police my intimate partner and dream up what else she might think is okay to do.”
Readers immediately took the man's side, and he chimed in to share more details about the situation
Many assured the author that he had every right to kick the family out
However, a small minority thought that the man had overreacted
