Mother-in-laws get a bad rap, but sometimes they deserve it. Whether they’re being over-protective of their biological children, or crossing boundaries when it comes to spoiling grandkids, they seem to have a unique ability to ruffle family feathers and put relationships to the test.
For one man, he’d had enough after he caught his mom berating his wife. After finding out this wasn’t the first time, he promptly showed his mom the door, exiling her to his brother’s house. Now he’s wondering if that was a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
Mother-in-laws have a bad reputation, and this guy’s mom is no different when it comes to his wife
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Mom always had issues with the guy’s wife, so he stopped talking to her until she apologized
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
His mom then came to stay at his house and that’s when he overheard her arguing with his pregnant wife
Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)
As it turned out, this wasn’t the first time she’d disparaged his wife for what she called a “fake victim sob story”
Image credits: momkickedout
Furious, the guy sent his mom packing, but then turned to the web to ask if that was a jerk move
OP begins his story by telling the community that he and his wife, Kara, were friends for years while she was in a very abusive and toxic relationship for three years. Kara begged her friends and OP to intervene, so they all chipped in to move her away from her horrible partner and helped her get a restraining order.
All of the friends took turns to check in on Kara, who then found out she was pregnant. Kara’s ex passed away from an overdose when their baby was 4 months old, so all the friends took on aunt and uncle roles. It was around that time that OP developed feelings for Kara but never said anything since she had so many issues to work through.
Three years later, Kara admitted to OP that she was in love with him, so the couple started dating. They’ve just got married and Kara is 5 months pregnant. OP admits that his mom had issues at the start of the couple’s relationship and claimed that Kara was faking how bad things were for her so she could take advantage of OP.
After that, OP and his mom hardly talked until she apologized. With things being somewhat mended, OP’s mom came to stay at his place, which used to be his dad’s house.
That’s when OP overheard his mom and Kara arguing because his mom wanted to redecorate the nursery against Kara’s wishes. All OP heard was his mom telling Kara that she’s not “the lady of the house” and that she wouldn’t fall for her “fake victim sob story”. When OP confronted her, his mom told him she was willing to “put up” with his decision to marry Kara since she didn’t want to lose him.
Seeing how upset Kara was over everything, OP promptly banished his mom from the house, sending her off to stay with his brother. All the while, his mom kept on crying about how she was being punished for “just being honest”.
OP says his brother keeps trying to get him to take her back in, but OP is unmoved since, as it turns out, this isn’t the first time his mom has berated Kara. He turned to Reddit to ask if he’s being a jerk.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Chances are, if you have a mother-in-law, at some point there’s been conflict about family matters. But what are the signs that you’re dealing with a toxic mother-in-law? And what are the best ways to deal with one? We went looking for answers.
In her article for Choosing Therapy, Tricia Johnson writes that there are 12 indicators that a mother-in-law is actually toxic and not just disagreeable. Some of these include having no respect for boundaries, always thinking she’s right, being a master manipulator, being emotionally abusive, being passive-aggressive, being impossible to please, and being narcissistic.
In her article for Marriage.com, Anne Duvaux writes that having a toxic mother-in-law can have serious effects on a person’s well-being and family dynamics. Five relatable results include emotional stress, strained relationships, decreased confidence, anxiety and tension, and feelings of isolation.
Duvaux goes on to put forward 11 ways to deal with a toxic mother-in-law. First, she suggests keeping yourself emotionally distant. Second, avoid being triggered - remember you don’t have to be drawn into an argument or fight that will lead to family drama. Third, avoid self-judgment - don’t be hard on yourself for her irrational behavior.
Next up, remain true to yourself no matter your mother-in-law’s actions. If things have become untenable, allow your partner to step in. While you’re at it, let go of expectations - there’s nothing saying that the two of you have to have a happy relationship, despite your best efforts. Finally, nurture your own well-being - dealing with a toxic mother-in-law can be emotionally draining, so allow yourself space for ‘me time’.
Considering just how toxic her MIL is, Kara may do well to work on her boundaries, perhaps in tandem with OP, so the couple can better deal with OP’s mom in the future, together.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think he’s being a jerk, or did his mom get what was coming to her? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
Readers in the comments swiftly concluded that the mother-in-law was being the jerk in the situation and had no right to treat his pregnant wife so badly
