Family drama is always tough, since cutting ties can feel impossible or even morally wrong. Even worse, sometimes you get caught in the middle of inter-family conflicts, forcing you to pick a side. And even in cases where it’s clearly visible what party is at fault, fighting with family members can be psychologically draining and confusing.
A mom asked the internet if she was in the right for telling her sister that she is no longer welcome in her house after she got into a heated argument with her teen son. The conflict transpired after the OP’s sister and two daughters came over to visit and her son was asked to babysit the girls.
A parent’s natural instinct is to protect their children, but what happens when this feeling collides with the need to protect your siblings?
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
A mom described a time her sister visited with her own kids, and the effect it had on her son
One day, she returned home to find it empty save for the two younger girls
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OP gave some additional thoughts about why her sister said the things she did
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Interfamilial conflict can happen for a variety of reasons and it is always extra painful
Family estrangement, which tends to describe situations a bit more dramatic than the one in OP’s story, is actually quite understudied when it comes to the field of family psychology. In short, it’s a hard topic to cover because most people just don’t want to talk about it, much less with researchers. However, this itself indicates the fact that conflict in the family is a trying subject. The evidence we do have is largely statistical, for example, in the US, about 17% of young adults described themselves as estranged from at least one immediate family member.
In the majority of cases, this conflict arises between the father and the child, though sometimes the child is collateral damage during a marital fight. The estrangement between siblings is less studied, again, because people prefer to avoid the subject. Nevertheless, in both cases, the most common causes included abuse, toxic behavior, and disagreements about politics and religion. While distancing one's self from abuse is always the right move, it can be difficult as estrangement and cutting contact may make any sort of reconciliation and closure impossible.
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Sometimes conflicts will happen and you should know how to care for yourself and the relationship after the fact
Some psychologists take an alternative view, that conflicts are a part of life, unfortunately, and the real issue with estrangement is the difficulty we have with mending relationships. Normally, when we have a conflict with a person, there is no reason to mend ties. From road rage to hostile coworkers, it’s often easier and more productive to go about your life without the other person. Family makes that more difficult, as there will be times when you may have to interact with them again, from holidays to funerals. So we often don’t have the experience to reconcile with others even when there is a need.
So if there is a need or desire to reconcile, there are a few steps specialists recommend. First, swallow your pride. And recognize that the other party might have difficulty doing that. Sometimes people will give hints that they are open to the idea, but will hide it in some way. What can I say, we humans are stubborn and insolent at any age. Ultimately, if the conflict was mutual, a sincere expression of remorse goes a long way. But if you were the victim and you still want to reconcile, don’t feel bad for standing your ground and demanding an apology.
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Commenters agreed that the sister's story was strange and she was right to stand by her son
