Parents don’t always see eye to eye, especially when they’re heading for a divorce. Unfortunately, if there are kids involved, they often end up caught in the crossfire, which can be both disturbing and confusing for them.
One woman whose separated husband insisted she stop taking their kids to MMA classes because it was “too aggressive” has come up with a novel solution for when the kids start whining about it - she just sends them off to their dad’s. Now she’s wondering if that’s a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
Parents heading for divorce can get petty, as this woman is determined to show her soon-to-be ex-husband
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She and the kids had been enjoying going to MMA classes, but their dad insisted they stop because it’s “too aggressive”
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman reluctantly agreed to quit the classes because she had bigger battles to win in the upcoming divorce
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The kids were less than thrilled that they had to stop the MMA classes, but the woman came up with a cunning plan
Image credits: free_username91
Whenever the kids complain to her, she just sends them to their dad, but now she’s wondering if that’s a jerk move
When OP separated from her husband, she thought keeping the peace was more important than picking fights. So, when he insisted their kids stop attending weekly MMA classes because they were “too aggressive,” she reluctantly agreed, even though the whole family (other than the dad) had loved the sessions for bonding and exercise.
Her kids really miss it, especially her middle daughter, who’s on the spectrum and asks to go every single week, often breaking down in tears when she’s told no. OP didn’t want to lie or throw dad under the bus, so she started handling things... differently. Each time the kids asked, she’d redirect: “Let’s call Daddy and ask him!”
Now her ex is fuming. He says she’s undermining their joint decision and that she should “implement” it herself instead of passing the responsibility to him. However, she’s not name-calling, she’s not making him the villain, she’s just answering their questions with, well, more questions. Namely: “Wanna ask Dad?”
From what OP tells her readers, her soon-to-be ex-husband expects her to mop up the mess he’s made. At the very least, he could have come up with a different, more agreeable activity for the kids before canceling their MMA. So, just what is the best way for OP and the father of her children to negotiate this most recent upheaval? We went looking for answers.
Image credits: fxquadro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In her article for Psychology Today, Ann Gold Buscho (Ph.D.) writes that once you and your partner have decided to divorce, the question of how you will continue to parent your children becomes extremely important.
According to Buscho, you’ll need to establish a parenting plan that will detail many of the parenting decisions you and your soon-to-be co-parent will need to make. A good parenting plan will also include a clause that details what to do when you have trouble resolving a disagreement.
In her article for VeryWellMind, Sanjana Gupta writes that researchers have identified three major types of post-divorce co-parenting relationships, including conflicted co-parenting, cooperative co-parenting, and parallel co-parenting.
According to Gupta, some tips that can help you and your former partner successfully co-parent your children include maintaining regular communication, creating an arrangement that works for both of you, discussing any changes to your co-parenting plan, being flexible, and respecting different parenting styles.
It would seem that it’s time for the OP and her soon-to-be-ex to sit down and decide on a new activity together. If they don’t, it’s likely their resentment will just grow, ultimately leaving the children between a rock and a hard place. If that happens, nobody wins.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? And just whose responsibility is it to make sure the kids have something enjoyable to do now that they can't take MMA classes anymore? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers agreed that the MMA classes were important for self-defense but that perhaps they could try a less intense form of martial art
