One of my father's girlfriends, when he was already in his fifties, was about half his age. He always said she loved him, but a couple of years later, when he got older and developed some chronic illnesses, she left him. It happens. French President Emmanuel Macron has been married for almost two decades to a woman 24 years his senior. They are still together and in love. Well, that also happens.
In fact, no one can formulate a universal recipe for marital happiness, and what works for some people may be completely unacceptable for others. In any case, the narrator of our story today doesn't want to dissuade anyone; she wants to share her parents' experience and just warn them.
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A huge spousal gap is quite a rare thing nowadays, and the outcome of these marital stories could be different, from happy and touching to outright devastating
Image credits: Mitchell Leach / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is a woman in her 40s, who recently lost her 88-year-old dad, and her mom is now 66
Image credits: wahyu_t / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author's parents got married when he was a man in his late 40s, while she was a young college grad, nearly the same age as his 3 kids
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
During the four decades of their marriage, they had their ups and downs, but now the author's mom realizes that all her life actually revolved around her husband
Image credits: bikes_and_art
The author doesn't want to coax people into thinking that a huge spousal gap is something bad, she just wants them to think twice before starting such a relationship
So, the Original poster (OP) says she’s now in her 40s, and her father had recently gone at the age of 88. Her mother is now 66; she lived with her husband for four decades, and now, with sorrow and horror, she realizes that everything she had lived for all those years - her possessions, hobbies, and activities - wasn’t really hers, but her late spouse's.
Back then, in the early 1980s, everything was different. She had just graduated from college, and he was a strong, handsome man in his late 40s, with three children almost her age. She always said he was the most interesting person she'd ever met, and he believed this was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
No, the past four decades weren't actually bad. They had their ups and downs, but they walked hand in hand along the road of life. But for the man, it was more of a descent, and for his wife - well, she had to go down with him. The generational gap prevented them from making mutual friends, so they ended up kinda isolated and more codependent.
And when our heroine was born, it became obvious that her dad had already become fed up with parenting and was rather uninvolved, although he spent quite a lot of time at home - he retired when the OP was 5. As for the older step-children, now that their father is gone, they have even stopped inviting her to family events. And the author can partly understand them...
No, the original poster in no way wants to discourage anyone who is currently entering into a relationship with a very large age gap. After all, each of us writes our own story. This woman simply advises thinking about the future - the very distant future - and then reflecting on the here and now. That's precisely the purpose of her narrative here.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Statistics show that a large age gap of over 20 years between spouses in heterosexual marriages in the US is now rather rare. According to the Census Bureau and Pew Research data, such couples make up no more than 1% of the country, and the average age difference between spouses in the US is now 2.2 years, down from 2.4 years a quarter century ago.
At the same time, the idea that a huge age difference is always bad is also not supported by research. The authors of this ABC article note that such couples exhibit different trends. Although divorce rates are still quite high, many couples report high marital satisfaction, trust, and commitment to their partner.
However, this 2010 study by Swedish scientist Sven Drefahl reveals another interesting trend directly relevant to our story. The researcher says that having a significantly younger spouse was often beneficial for men in terms of health and caregiving, while having an older partner was generally detrimental for any gender.
Well, people in the comments were rather upset by the author's story's outcome and expressed sympathy for her having to go through such a thing. Incidentally, some responders also shared similar stories from their own experience, so it seems the spousal gap isn't as rare as it might seem. What do you think, our dear readers?
Many people in the comments actually expressed sympathy for both the author and her mom, and cited their own similar stories as well
