I think most of you have heard people saying that dating is exhausting and complicated. Yes, falling in love, feeling over the moon, is one of the best feelings; however, constantly going on first dates not knowing what to expect and hearing the same questions over and over again might not be the best thing ever.
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There are probably many opinions on differences between dating in your 20s and 30s, where some may say that nothing changes and others see quite a lot of differences - for example, one Reddit user recently had quite a discussion where he explained that men in their 30s don’t want to be just friends with women.
More info: Reddit
It’s romantic to think of somebody trying to win you, though sometimes expecting that to happen may lead to quite a disappointment
Image credits: Julia Larson (not the actual photo)
A woman was surprised that men she rejects don’t want to be friends with her, causing a discussion as this man explained that people in their 30s have less time for that
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
She continued that if men she rejected wanted to win her heart, they should stay friends, despite the man’s explanation that no men in their 30s would want to play that game
Image credits: u/Illustrious-Dare-620
The discussion ended with the man being called a jerk
Recently one Reddit user shared his story asking community members if he was being a jerk for explaining to his wife’s friend what he considers ‘sound and basic logic’ about dating when you are in your 30s. The post caught a lot of folks’ attention, collecting 20K upvotes, 3.5K comments and starting quite a discussion online.
The original poster (OP) starts his story by explaining that he overheard his wife and her friend (who are both in their 30s) talking about her friend’s dating and her logic, to which he let out a chuckle. He explained to her that she shouldn't be surprised that the men she rejects don’t want to be friends as they don’t have time for that.
She didn’t take this well and continued telling him that if the men she rejected really wanted to be together, they should stay friends and just win her slowly over time; however, the man quickly stopped her fantasy and explained that nobody wants to play that game and no man owes it to her to stay around and be ‘just friends’.
Most of the community members stood on the guys’ side, agreeing that no man wants to be friendzoned and the woman’s game is gross. “She wants guys around her that want her because it makes her feel good, but she has not a thought or concern about them and how that would affect them,” one user wrote. “NTA. She needs to come back to reality,” another added.
Image credits: Viktoria Slowikowska (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda got in touch with Susan Winter, an internationally recognized relationship expert and bestselling author. She kindly agreed to share her thoughts regarding OP’s wife’s friend’s logic, shifts in priorities between dating in one's 20s versus 30s and if there are any trends or changes in dating tendencies among people.
“It is not advisable to accept a friend zone if you want to be a romantic partner,” Susan started. She emphasized that it’s a ‘long game’ that causes anxiety and emotional trauma to the person seeking more than just friendship. “It is rarely the case that a positive outcome occurs for the lover in waiting.”
Speaking about changes in priorities as we age, the relationship expert noted that to some degree, the OP was correct. “20s-30s is not a specific tipping point. However, it is true that as we mature throughout life, we begin to understand which associations feel rewarding and which do not.”
And finally, Susan pointed out that acquiring and maintaining a romantic relationship has become far more difficult than in past generations. It is also well noted that younger generations have difficulty with real-life communications. “The courtship dance feels foreign to younger generations, on both sides of the coin, so this attributes to much of the hesitancy, and striving for a safe position (friendship) at the periphery of their crush.
Everyone has a different points of view on dating, what we expect for a person and what kind of relationship we seek, but what do you think about this exact discussion? Do you agree with the OP or his wife’s friend? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors shared their take on this situation but most of them agreed with the man
