One of the prominent figures of world literature once wrote incredibly apt words about a century ago that his and his wife's boat of love got smashed to pieces on the reefs of everyday life. And in fact, you don't have to be an outstanding writer to fall into this everyday trap - thousands of couples around the world fall into it year after year.
The user u/ThrowRA compacted, the author of the story we're about to tell you this time, was also unlucky. Firstly, her husband turned out to be incredibly sloppy and completely unwilling to do anything around the house. And secondly, the guy compensated for his incompetence in everyday life with a virtuoso ability to manipulate others. However, let's just take things in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is married to a man who doesn't want to do any household chores at all
Image credits: Lisa Fotios / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man is also quite a skillful manipulator, so he definitely knows which of his wife's buttons to press
Image credits: ThrowRA_compacted
Image credits: Wallace Chuck / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Recently the spouses made an agreement to split the chores between the two of them, but the man failed everything on his part
Image credits: ThrowRA_compacted
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
So the woman ended up doing everything on her own, not able to watch the mountains of dirty dishes in the sink and whatnot
Image credits: ThrowRA_compacted
The guy however started sulking about her 'not treating him like a man,' and held a grudge against her
So, the Original Poster (OP) and her husband, both in their mid-20's, have been married for several years, and during this time our heroine has had many issues with household chores. More precisely, with the fact that the hubby didn't want to do any at all. Constant requests and reminders over the years of living together only led to the guy once saying that he was already starting to hate his wife for these reminders.
The spouses tried to agree to fairly divide the chores between the two of them - but the result was only mountains of unwashed dishes in the sink, and nothing more. The husband simply ignored his part of the agreement, showing his contempt for any chores with his whole appearance. It got to the point that the OP, when the amount of dirty dishes exceeded all reasonable sizes, simply went and did everything herself.
Do you think this helped? No. Of course, the house became cleaner, but now the spouse began to whine and sulk that his wife allegedly doesn't perceive him as a real man. At the same time, the guy did not even make a single attempt to at least somewhat start doing his part of the chores. Moreover, recently he suggested, when the kid was already in bed, to watch a movie together.
The OP was excited - but the pile of dishes unwashed by him couldn't help but upset her. She got up and started washing everything, and the man simply went into the bedroom. And when the woman returned, he was demonstratively watching videos on YouTube, and then turned away from her and fell asleep.
And now, to the whole range of feelings that the author is experiencing, a burning feeling of resentment towards her husband was added. And she decided to ask for advice and support online.
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
"It seems to me that this looks, firstly, like complete disrespect for the wife, her requests and needs, and secondly, like a classic manipulation of the feelings of others - just to achieve their own goals," says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked to comment on this situation. "Weaponizing one's own incompetence and shifting the blame to others - all this is also present here."
"In fact, attempts to somehow find a common language with a person who behaves in this way are almost always doomed to failure. Because in fact, you are playing by their rules here, and they know perfectly well what they will do next, and which of your buttons they will press to achieve the desired result."
"As we can see, even a frank conversation with husband and an agreement didn't lead to anything - and now she's doing all the chores again, but now she also feels guilty - although he and only he is to blame here. In any case, it seems to me that all further conversations should be conducted here in the presence of a qualified mediator who will not allow her spouse to manipulate her further," Maria sums up.
But people in the comments simply urge the original poster to file for divorce as soon as possible - because they're sure that this man will not change. And years of absolute disrespect for her and her words are further proof of this, the responders believe.
"It's only going to get worse. He doesn't respect you or value you and your feelings," someone presumed. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this interpretation of the case? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
Mot commenters urged the woman to file for divorce because they don't actually believe this man can change to any better
