"AITA For Leaving My Husband After He Won A Large Sum Of Money?"

People get married for many reasons. Reddit user Cold-Tradition-1290 tied the knot with her partner for who he was—grounded and hardworking. But recently, the man has been changing, and she no longer thinks it’s the same person she fell in love with.

After he won a huge settlement following a workplace injury, his attitudes and values shifted dramatically. He became obsessed with designer clothes and expensive cars, looking down on others and pressuring her to embrace a lifestyle she never wanted. So now, the woman is questioning their future and whether it makes sense to stay together.

According to Susan Pease Gadoua, a licensed therapist in the northern San Francisco Bay Area and author of Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go, all the reasons people have for making their decision in such a situation have merit.

“It’s a personal choice and no one outside of the couple has a right to judge another for whichever path they choose,” she explains.

That said, people usually fall into two categories when it comes to divorce. Those who are motivated primarily by avoiding something are what the therapist calls fear-based people. These folks see the world through the eyes of whatever problems and negative repercussions might arise from their actions. They are often imprisoned by their fears, not only in deciding whether to stay in or leave their marriages, but in all areas of their lives. These people are more likely to stay in a disingenuous, unhappy, and unfulfilling situation, with the misguided belief that they are staying “safe.”

Action-based or faith-based people have the opposite view of the world. When they set their sights on a goal, they see what opportunities and benefits might come from moving towards it. These people are more willing to take risks and go for what they want. They will also be less likely to settle for less than what they believe they deserve.

“Of course, you can be partially both fear-based and action-based, but whichever mode is dominant will usually win the arguments in your mind about whether to stay or go,” Pease Gadoua adds. “Action-based people tend to be happier and have higher self-esteem.”

The good news is that these predispositions are not necessarily set in stone. If you are primarily a fear-based person but would rather be action-based, you can push through your fears and accomplish your goals.

“Just about every decision we have to make in life entails trade-offs,” the therapist highlights. “Going through a divorce is hard. Staying in a bad marriage is hard. Even so, if your truth is [that] you believe leaving is what you need to do, it’s important to look beyond the immediate challenges you’ll face and factor in the benefits that may await further into the future.”

One exercise she recommends is to project five years into the future and ask yourself where you want to be in your life. If you can’t stand thinking about one of those scenarios, that may just be your indication of what to do. If you’re not happy, but you feel you just need to sacrifice yourself for a few more years until the kids are launched, and your spirit won’t atrophy in the meantime, then that may be the way to go.

It sounds like our Redditor doesn’t have a road to go down without pain. But it also appears that she may have already made her choice.