She married the man of her dreams and was supposed to live happily ever after. Everything changed when her husband's ex dropped a bombshell that he has secret lovechild - a 12-year-old daughter - who would be moving in with him permanently.
The news couldn't have come at a worse time. The wife is pregnant with their first child together and the stepdaughter wants nothing to do with the baby. As the mood in her home reached an all-time low, the woman reached out to the internet for advice. What she was about to learn would shake her world to the core.
She had a happy marriage with the man of her dreams, and a baby on the way
Image credits: LightFieldStudios/Envato (not the actual photo)
Then her husband's secret lovechild rocked up at her door and her world changed forever
Image credits: ImageSourceCur/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
Many understood why the 12YO was acting out and suggested the couple goes for therapy
"Almost the same thing happened to us": some shared their own similar stories
The woman dropped a bombshell when she came back to update netizens on the situation
Image credits: drazenphoto/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
How to deal with deep betrayal, according to experts
It goes without saying that deep betrayal by your spouse or partner is not easy to get over. In severe cases. It can actually lead to something known as betrayal trauma. Scientists say that a romantic partner’s betrayal is deemed to be a form of interpersonal trauma. The effects of your partner’s actions are clinically significant.
“Between 30% and 60% of those who experienced romantic betrayal showed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and anxiety,” reveals VeryWell Mind. “Betrayal trauma can also affect self-esteem, lead to distrust in relationships, and cause mental health challenges.”
Image credits: Dimaberlin/Envato (not the actual photo)
Experts say there are a few steps you can take to help you heal, and before you decide whether you ultimately want to stay or leave the relationship.
The first is to acknowledge the betrayal. You need to allow yourself to let go of denial so that you can get to a place of acceptance. The next is to sit with your feelings. “Feeling anger, disappointment, shame, or emotional pain is perfectly reasonable. It’s helpful to name your emotions, too,” suggests the site. “After all, an intimate bond has been broken, so it’s valid to feel these things.”
However, the experts say that at some point, you need need to be able to let go of the negative emotions like self-pity and regret. Give yourself time to reflect on how your relationship was before the betrayal, and be honest. Did you play a role in the breakdown of the relationship at all? Were you both moving forward together, or in completely different directions? What has the relationship provided you with? Did it add value to your life or leave you feeling depleted?
“This isn’t about blaming yourself but objectively looking at the big picture,” notes VeryWell Mind. “Consider taking a break. If you feel the relationship is salvageable, you can still take a break from the person who betrayed you. This can help you gain more clarity about the situation.” Now would be a good time to set some boundaries.
Relationship experts advise taking time to grieve, whether or not you're considering ending it. And that's because the relationship as you once knew it has now changed.
"Practice self-compassion," adds VeryWell Mind. "Recognize your own bravery and that you discovered more about yourself and life. Betrayal can lead to growth, wisdom, and maturity."
Know that it is okay to walk away if that's what you feel is right for you. You don't have to stay in a relationship that doesn't bring you joy, and never allow anyone to pressure you to do so.
"Sue for fraud": people felt she shouldn't let the husband get off lightly
