Everyone has had a crush on someone at least once in their life. You never forget the rush of feelings when they’re near or the awkward way you behaved whenever they spoke to you. Some lucky people end up dating their crush, and for others, the desire eventually fades. But what if a person holds on to the feelings for too long, like, let’s say, 20 years?
This weird situation happened to a woman who went out of her way to online-stalk her high school crush from 20 years back. What she found out left her shocked.
More info: Reddit
Married woman drinks too much and decides to look up old crush, finds his socials and address, and is horrified to learn he lives down the block
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster, who graduated 20 years back, had a high-school crush whom she never dated, and she used to behave like an “overly attached girlfriend” around him
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
One day, when she was drunk and bored, she searched for his social media and address, she found out that he lived nearby and that she’d even walked her dog in that area
Image credits: Cheap_Beach_
She stated that she would never make a move on her high school crush because she's married, but she also doesn’t want to tell her husband about the information she found out
Let’s be honest, we’ve all probably checked up on an ex at least once in our lives. Social media makes it incredibly easy to find out what an old friend or crush is up to. In fact, a Pew Research survey found that roughly 53% of social media users have used it to check up on someone they once dated. The poster mentioned that although she had never dated her crush, she had acted like an obsessed girlfriend when they were in high school.
In her case, maybe the idea of her husband finding out kept her from further cyberstalking the man. But not everyone can keep this behavior in check. Some people become obsessive and go to great lengths to social-media stalk their exes. A survey found that 35% of people compulsively check their ex’s online page and spend over 10 hours a week cyberstalking.
To better understand this situation, Bored Panda contacted Lee Wilson. He’s a relationship coach with over twenty years of experience, a master's diploma in marriage and family counseling, and websites including My Ex Back Coach and Marriage Radio. He helps individuals and couples get back together after a breakup or separation and also helps prevent breakups or divorces.
Based on the poster’s situation, we asked Coach Lee if it was healthy for people to cyberstalk an ex. He said it wasn’t and that, “you are not allowing yourself to heal and move forward. You're staying stuck in a cycle of obsession, which is emotionally and psychologically damaging. Stalking your ex online keeps the breakup fresh in your mind and prevents you from detaching and finding closure.”
“From my observations, stalking an ex online can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and a distorted sense of reality. You're constantly comparing your life to the version of your ex's life that they present on social media, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and distance from your partner. It's important to focus on your own recovery and growth, or on your partner if you have one, rather than being fixated on your ex's life,” he added.
Image credits: Jessica Bryant (not the actual photo)
Another issue with the situation is that the woman is married and still decided to look up her high school crush. She also decided to hide her actions from her husband because she felt he would get angry. Lee says that it’s “disrespectful to the relationship that the ‘stalker’ is in at the present and it puts your focus, at least temporarily, on the ex that should remain in your past. It can work on your mind and cause less closeness in the current relationship or marriage.”
The poster shared that she knew she was being a “creeper” but still went ahead and found her crush’s address. Some of it could have had to do with the way she interacted with him during high school and maybe she wanted to make amends for the “cringy” things she did. However, research says that people may obsessively stalk an ex if they don’t feel fulfilled in other areas of their lives. It could also have to do with a fear of abandonment.
We asked Lee if he had ever come across cases like this in his professional experience. He said, “yes, I have come across instances where people go to extreme lengths to online stalk an ex or a crush. This usually stems from a deep-seated fear of loss and a desire to maintain some form of connection, even if it's unhealthy. People often do this because they haven't fully accepted the breakup and are clinging to any piece of their ex they can find.
“They can also do this to see who their ex ended up with romantically to see if this person is as attractive or if the ex seems happy with them. The stalker does this in a hopeful attempt to feel that their ex missed out by not ending up with them. The behavior is also driven by a need for reassurance. It's a way to feel in control in a situation where they feel powerless. Unfortunately, this only prolongs the pain and makes it harder to heal,” he shared.
Admittedly, curiosity can get the better of us when we suddenly remember a crush or an old flame. As OP reasoned, she was buzzed and bored, so of course, she’d check on her high school love. But that fun pastime backfired as soon as she found out that he's living nearby. As Lee told us, “instead of stalking your ex online, invest that time in activities that promote your well-being and personal growth. Put your energy into the person who chose to be in your life, and build a life together with them.” We think that’s pretty good advice, don’t you?
Have you ever dived down the rabbit hole of online stalking someone? Don’t worry, we won’t judge you, so share your experience (if any) and thoughts in the comments.
Netizens were amused by the woman’s actions and made a bunch of jokes about the poster possibly hooking up with her high school crush
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
