Sometimes parents and their children just seem to not connect. Not everyone is good with their words and can express their feelings. Children might not even fully understand what their feelings are, so it’s up to the parents to research a bit about children’s psychology and how they can reach their little one’s heart.
One useful thing parents can learn about is their children’s love language. A mom on TikTok, Marcela Collier, claims that making a habit out of speaking her children’s love languages on a consistent basis changed her life.
A mom on TikTok, Marcela Collier, reveals that her secret to good parenting is learning to speak her children's love languages
Image credits: Marcela Collier
Marcela Collier is raising little twin boys and she is a certified positive discipline coach, helping people who have kids under the age of 5 to understand their children’s behavior and needs. Marcela is the owner of High Impact Club parenting education platform. She has helped thousands of parents through her parenting classes, workshops, and The Parenting With UnderstandingTM program as well as millions of people on TikTok where she shares a lot of parenting tips.
On this social media platform she has 465k followers and gets a good amount of views. A video posted a little while ago stands out as more than 3.1 million people have seen it. Bored Panda reached out to Marcela to find out what made people like this video so much and her answer was that "according to the comments, this video is a big AHA! moment for most parents, it's what they needed to see to understand what their children really need from them."
Speaking her twins' love languages on a daily basis changed her life
Image credits: net.positive
That video is a stitch with another TikTok user, net.positive, who asked “What is one habit or action that you started doing that completely changed your life?” Marcela’s answer was making a habit out of speaking her children’s love language.
The concept of love languages was first introduced in 1992 by Gary Chapman in the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. It’s quite a popular theory and apparently it worked wonders for Marcela.
Marcela herself found out about it when while providing therapeutic care for children with trauma she was searching for resources that would help her to understand what children's emotional needs were. That's when she found "research by Doctor William Glasser that explains that every behavior is the communication of one of our 5 human basic needs." After this she learn about the love languages from the above mentioned Chapman's book.
Image credits: Marcela Collier
In the viral video she says that she has to consider her children’s love languages as they ask for it, but they never say it, especially if they're little; instead, they act out. According to the mom, you can’t expect the child to appreciate everything you do if their love language isn’t acts of service. Her observation of when parents don't know their children's love labguage is "that there is complete misunderstanding. Children communicate their needs through behaviors more than with words, and if parents don't know that every behavior is the communication of a need, then they interpret those behaviors as personal attacks or tests."
She also gives an example of how the need for a particular love language can be expressed. She asks her son Santi how he knows his mom loves him and his answer is that because they are together. So that means his love language is quality time.
Marcela's advice for parents would be "Your child won't feel safe to pursue independence until he feels connected to you. Speak your child's love language often, and you will see that your child won't be as clingy because his need for belonging is met. The same with other behaviors (defiance, aggression, lying...)."
Every child will ask for love in different ways and most of the time it will be acting out as they can't put their emotions into words
Later Marcela posted another video explaining what the five love languages are and what are the signs to look for in children’s behavior in order to find out which one is theirs.
So if the child asks you to do something for them that they really know how to do themselves, it could be that their love language is the one mentioned prior, acts of service.
If they ask you to join them in their activities, it is possible quality time is their language.
In another video, Marcela breaks down the 5 love languages and how you can tell which one is your kid's
Image credits: Marcela Collier
If your children invade your space or like to sit on your legs, it may mean they crave physical touch.
If you notice that your child is frequently showing you what they can do or how they did their chores, they might be looking for words of affirmation.
The last love language is gifts, and you can determine if it is your child's language if your kid holds onto things very tightly to the point that they go to sleep with them or likes to discuss Christmas presents.
Here is the video in which Marcela answers the question of what habit or action has changed her life
A good way of knowing what your child’s love language is is to observe how they express love to others. It might be gifting small things, hugging or making tea, because not everyone can describe what they feel or when it is that they feel good.
Of course, the love languages are useful in all sorts of relationships and it can really improve them when you know what you have to do to make the other person feel loved.
What do you think of this parenting tip? Have you ever heard about the five love languages? Do they make sense to you? Leave all your thoughts in the comments!
People loved the idea of implementing love languages in the child-parent relationship
