To kid or not to kid? That is the question!
Well, that’s one of many questions to consider when in a relationship. But even if they are considered, it’s also the human factor that plays a huge role in how things will play out. It’s more than just saying yes or no. It’s also working through the motions and emotions and dealing with things if there’s an immovable object meets an unstoppable force situation.
But if you truly love someone, you’ll find a way to make it work. And maybe the immovable object will move, and the unstoppable force will stop so that they can make it work. Because of their inevitable love.
I hope that’s weirdly romantic enough for ya, ladies and gents.
More Info: Original Story | Update To The Story
Love is a lot of things. One thing's for sure, though: love demands a lot from us and only those who commit actually have a chance at making it work
Image credits: Victoria Rain (not the actual photo)
A woman recently had to get it off her chest and shared her love story, explaining how the issue of kids brought her to a hard decision
Image credits: SeaCan5697 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SeaCan5697 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SeaCan5697 (not the actual photo)
The issue of kids has been brewing in the most nuanced way between the post author and her boyfriend, with one wanting none and the other—three
Image credits: OakleyOriginals (not the actual photo)
OP, Reddit user u/SeaCan5697, explained it best with her extensive experience spanning two whole posts on Reddit (original story and update to the story), but let’s try to tl;dr this witch.
The gist is OP and her boyfriend have had a number of talks throughout their 4 years of being together because communication is key. The issue of kids was very quickly tackled in several conversations early on in their relationship, with OP not wanting any, and her boyfriend wanting three. Or just wanting to be a dad.
Conclusions from this seemed iffy at best as OP had certainly communicated she doesn’t and won’t ever want to have kids, but it looked like her boyfriend had hope. Which was the case for a bit.
Fairly recently, OP attended her boyfriend’s brother’s wedding where, after a short exchange with the boyfriend’s parents, she understood just how much kids meant to him and she got the impression he never stopped wanting kids.
Tension only rose since then. They had at least one major conversation on the topic. Then there were all of the subtle non-verbal bits of communication, like showing signs of being upset whenever OP’s boyfriend sees another family or OP has kids over to babysit. And the boyfriend himself felt like the love of his life, OP, was growing distant as well.
It was at this point that OP turned to the r/TrueOffMyChest community to lay it all down there because of how terrible she felt about it. It felt like this was the end for their magical 4-year relationship.
And then there was an update.
It came to a point where their difference almost led to a breakup of a 4-year loving relationship... but then there was an update
Image credits: Marcin Jozwiak (not the actual photo)
The update consists of the long-awaited conversation they needed to have to clear things up and have a final say on where both of them are in terms of kids.
I can’t do OP’s writing justice, so it’s best to read it for yourself, as the excerpt is not provided in the article, but their conversation covered how the boyfriend saw happiness and purpose in kids when it came to relationships, not having seen much of it in other couples; how he had to go to therapy; how OP quite literally changed his life as soon as the two met; the idea of jealousy of other fuller families was debunked, and he was happy with how things are already (even more so since they have more financial freedom because of it, but that’s besides the point); how the boyfriend never really brought up the idea of not having kids because of his family’s values; and essentially ending on the note that the two tend to put the other person’s happiness over their own, thus in a sense making a sacrifice that doesn’t need to be made.
Actually, ending on another note. Plot twist: the boyfriend proposed to her then and there. What better place than here, what better time than now, right? So, now both are happy the way things are (and are headed) and the two are also happy to be engaged. OP also thanked the community for its advice and support.
Some time later, the couple sat down to talk things through and to see where they are at in their relationship regarding the issue of kids
Image credits: ROMAN ODINTSOV (not the actual photos)
The post did not go viral in terms of numbers, garnering less than 600 upvotes across the two posts and getting 3 Reddit awards. But who cares about virality metrics, this is what folks tune into on the TV or online for—the drama, the passion, the excitement. What makes this particular story better, though, is the idea that these are real people, and it makes people happy to see other people happy, despite challenges and adversity. Good on ya, OP!
Now, throughout the story, you might have noticed how much their relationship relied on the couple’s honest and open communication about expectations, goals and the like. That shows a lot of maturity and is actually one of the best (if not the best) ways to resolve conflicts and problems in relationships.
Ultimately, while it was hard for the boyfriend, he explained that he was happy with how things are, and made a promise of it with an on-the-spot engagement
Image credits: Keenan Constance (not the actual photo)
Better Health, a website run by the Department of Health of the State Government of Victoria, Australia, has an extensive article published on communication in relationships. It strongly supports the above by saying that a healthy communication style in couples helps overcome challenges and conflict easier, and thus it builds a stronger relationship.
The bullet points as to the specifics of good communication practices boil down to being clear and precise in what you say, planning your words and setting aside a dedicated time for it, accepting responsibility and in general creating an impression of trust, communicating your feelings and expectations, and listening.
It goes double with non-verbal communication—something that is not as deliberate, yet still very purposeful, in comparison to verbal expressions.
And if you wish to improve upon your own communication skills, there’s a number of things that you can also do. This includes building companionship through sharing experiences, interests, concerns and appreciation; sharing intimacy, whether it be sexual, or not (comforting one another, sharing moments of honesty over a cup of tea); and agreeing on and working on issues or goals that you might have.
In other words, you gotta be open, you gotta be invested, and you gotta be caring, putting in a lot of work because that’s just how relationships work.
So, as you see now, all of this is done just by talking. You know what else is done by talking? Sharing your thoughts and ideas in text form in the comment section below.
Oh, and everyone (online) got to watch (read?), folks loved it
