There are some things that you just don’t do without consent. Healthy boundaries are incredibly important in all parts of your life. Even though it might feel awkward to do so, you also need to enforce them with your relatives, too. Otherwise, you might find them making decisions on your behalf that you don’t necessarily agree with.
For example, they might influence your children in bizarre ways that would make many people do a double-take. Redditor u/fanggoria asked the AITA online group for advice after her mother-in-law got her young daughter an inappropriate gift—a fake pregnancy belly—encouraging her to pretend that she was pregnant. Scroll down to read the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Pretend play is a part of kids' lives, however, some parents can feel uncomfortable with what other people encourage them to do
Image credits: user18526052 / freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman called out her mother-in-law for buying what she feels was an age-inappropriate gift for her young daughter
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: fanggoria
It's vital that your family and friends respect your role as a parent and don't make decisions behind your back
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
According to the author of the post, she suspected that her mother-in-law was feeding her daughter’s obsession with pregnancy. Not just by getting her a fake pregnancy belly to wear, but also by giving her unrestricted access to strange content on YouTube. It’s one thing to encourage your child to be curious about how the world works, but there are limits that you, as a parent, should be comfortable with.
“I believe her grandmother allows her unlimited access to YouTube and my daughter will watch videos where the MC [main character] is pregnant, which is what I think stemmed her fascination with pregnancy in the first place,” u/fanggoria writes.
“I've addressed my concerns with them about my daughter having unfettered access to YouTube, but I don't believe my concerns were taken seriously and am under the impression they've been dishonest about letting her watch whatever she wants. I'm uncomfortable with them encouraging my 6-year-old to pretend she's pregnant, but MIL acts like it's no big deal and that I'm the jerk for perceiving it as weird.”
The sad reality is that a lot of content on YouTube is not age-appropriate. And some content creators try to cash in and create really bizarre, colorful videos about weird topics, to try to appeal to younger viewers. In short, parental supervision is absolutely essential, as your kids are still learning about what they should and should not watch.
However, it’s a huge issue if your family members and friends try to go around the rules and expectations you’ve set for your kids. It’s natural for people to have different ideas about parenting, but this does not mean that anyone has the right to go behind your back and teach your kids things that you deem inappropriate for their age.
In these types of situations, you need to have a very frank but diplomatic chat with the other person. Without being judgmental or getting angry, explain to them why you believe their behavior around your kids is inappropriate, how you would like them to adjust their behavior, and what the consequences will be if they continue ignoring your parental boundaries.
In a nutshell, if your loved ones continue trampling all over your parenting style, rules at home, and boundaries, it might be time to limit the time they spend with you and your kids. Cutting them off completely is a measure of last resort, but it may be a necessary step if you find yourself being constantly disrespected and sidelined.
There are plenty of other, age-appropriate toys that grandparents can choose for the younger members of their family
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
According to the National Association for the Education of Young Children, kids aged 3 to 6 have longer attention spans than toddlers, ask lots of questions, experiment with new things, like to play with friends, and can take turns sharing toys with other children.
Some good toys for kids in this age range, as per NAEYC, include:
- Things for solving problems, like puzzles, blocks that snap together, small colored books, etc;
- Things for pretending and building, from building blocks and construction sets to dolls with accessories and sand and water play toys;
- Things to create with, such as crayons, markers, paintbrushes, paper, chalk, modeling clay, playdough, and musical instruments;
- Picture books with more words and more detailed pictures;
- Physical equipment like balls, tricycles, wagons, wheelbarrows, bats, bowling pins, workbenches, etc.
If you're worried about screen time, you have to be realistic about the new goals you set for your kids
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
As per Mayo Clinic Health System, it’s recommended that parents limit their children’s screen time. Kids under the age of 2 should not be getting any screen time at all.
Meanwhile, children aged 2 to 12 should be limited to one hour of screen time per day. Teens are allowed two hours per day.
It’s essential that parents set expectations for their children early on. “Create goals to be intentional about reducing screen time. Many devices have features to set time limits for use.”
That being said, you have to be realistic and set smaller, attainable goals instead of aiming straight for the recommended number of hours per day. Start by cutting the current screen time bit by bit.
You can aim to create phone-free zones in your home. For example, your rule could be not to have any electronic devices in the family meal area. Meanwhile, parents ought to give their children their full attention after school or work.
Spending lots of time outdoors can be a good alternative to screen time, too. “Putting down the phone and taking a walk or playing outdoors increases your endorphins and provides that feeling of happiness in your brain, boosting your mood and improving your physical health.”
What are your thoughts about the entire situation between u/fanggoria and her mother-in-law? Do you think that the grandmother’s gift was inappropriate or is it all just pretend play? Where do you draw the line when it comes to gifts for your kids? How do you establish and enforce healthy boundaries with your in-laws? Let us know what you think in the comments below.
Later, the author shared a bit more context in one of the comments
Most internet users who read the story thought that the mom was right to enforce some boundaries with her MIL
There were those who thought nobody that nobody messed up at all
Some readers thought that the mom was in the wrong and gently called her out
One internet user relied on a similar personal experience to share advice
