Most of us would be hurt if we learned that our significant other was cheating. No matter how wonderful the relationship is, this horrible news could change everything. It’s no wonder that people who find out about their partner’s affairs often want to exact revenge.
Below, you’ll find a story about an affair, full of twists and turns, that came after the bombshell news was revealed. Ultimately, you might never know if everything that transpired was motivated by revenge or a just a badly thought-out decision.
More info: Reddit
Heartbroken husband finds out about wife’s affair, says he will forgive her if she confesses to everyone, he decides to end the marriage even after she follows through
Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)
Wife comes clean about month-long affair with coworker, she wants to avoid divorce as it would uproot kids' lives, so she vows to do anything to make things right
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
The poster told her he would completely forgive her if she told all of her friends and family about the affair, though she was hesitant, she decided to do it
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
The man later updated netizens saying that he was still considering divorce because his wife had turned into a gloomy and sad person after telling everyone about her affair
Image credits: DueAffection
The poster felt that he had made a mistake asking her to confess and that he wished she could go back to being joyous
Affairs involve a lot of secrecy and deception, and the man’s wife had been keeping her infidelity from him for an entire month. When he came across her texts and confronted her, she immediately told him all there was to know. She also wanted to salvage their relationship and said that she would do anything to avoid divorce. To understand what couples can do to recover from affairs, Bored Panda interviewed Dr. Talal H. Alsaleem (PsyD, LMFT), who’s an infidelity counselor.
He said that “healing from infidelity doesn’t always mean repairing the relationship. The purpose of infidelity recovery counseling is to help the couple understand what happened, why it happened, assess the damage, and figure out the best way to heal from the trauma. This could mean repairing the relationship and making it better and stronger than it was prior to the discovery of the affair, or healing individually. This is based on the fact that not everyone is going to be able to do what it takes to rebuild trust. More importantly, people’s capacity for forgiveness varies from one person to another.”
A study found that in cases of secret affairs, only 20% of the couples remained married after 5 years. However, in relationships where the affair was revealed, that percentage jumped to 57%. It goes to show that honesty between partners can help save their bond. The poster was willing to stay with his wife, but he also wanted her to reveal her actions to everyone she knew so that he could forgive her.
Keeping this request in mind, Dr. Talal said that “the public shaming that took place will significantly impact their chance of rebuilding the relationship, in a negative way. Giving the unfaithful another chance to rebuild trust while simultaneously forcing them to wear a scarlet letter will cause the relationship to be lopsided. You can’t have a sustainable, healthy relationship in which the betrayed is forever branded and defined by their past mistakes.”
Therapists state that punishing one’s partner for having an affair can often lead to bitterness between them. It can also delay recovery and the repair of the relationship. Dr. Talal puts it very simply: “the punishment should really come from the unfaithful’s realization of the harm they caused the betrayed and the negative feelings that come along with that understanding.”
Image credits: engin akyurt (not the actual photo)
In this case, the guy’s idea of having his wife tell everyone about the affair ended up backfiring. He noticed that she had been cut off by her family and friends, which made her feel depressed and gloomy. She cried a lot and had lost her joyful personality. The guy did not want this to happen and said he felt guilty about it. It goes to show that punishment or revenge doesn’t really have the satisfying effect that we think it’ll have.
However, research shows that therapy can improve the chances of a relationship's survival. Both partners need to make the conscious choice to move forward and rebuild their relationship. As Dr. Talal puts it, a therapist can “help the couple create the ideal environment for recovery which requires important steps to minimize the number of potential complications.”
A big component of facing infidelity together is what Dr. Talal calls “Minimizing Outsider Influence.” As we saw in the story, the husband wanted his wife to repent by revealing the affair to everybody she knew. But this only widened the circle of people who knew about the issue and opened her up to a lot of judgment.
Dr. Talal said, “my recommendation is always to keep it between the couple and the professional venues they seek to help them process the affair. The reason why it should be kept private is because when we involve other people in our business, we also solicit their bias. Those individuals will form their own opinion about your partner which will stay with them regardless of whether or not you decide to stay or leave the relationship.”
Nobody wants to be cheated on, but it’s difficult to blame the victim for their actions once they're put in that situation. The husband probably never expected the major personality overhaul his wife would have after he asked her to confess. Even though he said he’d forgive her and not go ahead with the divorce, it seems like he just could not handle the aftermath of it all.
What do you think about the husband’s request and his final decision to go in for a divorce? Let us know your honest opinion on this heartbreaking story.
People were divided on whether the husband’s actions were the work of a mastermind who wanted revenge or just a confused man who made a mistake
