Helping each other when times get tough is what family is all about. However, there’s a limit to everyone’s kindness, and when the person who lends a helping hand starts to get negatively affected by it, they might want to reconsider their gesture of goodwill.
Just like this couple, who took in a brother-in-law for a few months so he could save up some money. But the months turned into a year and he did nothing to contribute to the household. The last straw was when he carelessly left the gate open and disaster struck, resulting in him getting kicked out.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with financial counselor Sara Griffin and financial therapist Rahkim Sabree, who kindly agreed to tell us more about how to help family without negatively affecting oneself.
Helping each other when times get tough is what family is all about
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
However, when this BIL took advantage of his family's help, he was left without a place to stay
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: DaoMingBaba
25% of people aged 18 to 24 face challenges in paying for usual expenses like food, housing, and medicine
According to Lending Tree’s Household Financial Insecurity Report, more than a third of Americans are having financial difficulties, while 25% of people aged 18 to 24 face challenges in paying for usual expenses like food, housing, and medicine.
During such hard times, it’s no surprise that people turn to their family for support. When faced with a request for help, it might be tempting to agree immediately to avoid awkwardness or hurting any feelings. While it's important to try to help, it’s also essential to consider your own financial stability and mental well-being before making the decision.
"If a family member is asking you for help, you have to make sure that you are capable of providing that financial help without it creating a financial hardship for your cash flow," said financial counselor Sara Griffin.
Before agreeing to anything, it might be a good idea to find out more about their financial status. "Why is this family member asking for help? Is this a normal issue? Did an emergency happen that depleted their liquid financial resources? Will this one's request for help become a pattern of asking for more assistance in the future?" Griffin asks.
After it’s clear where they stand financially, then it’s time to decide on some boundaries. "If you choose to help, you want to provide clear expectations to this family member who is asking for financial help. Are you only capable of assisting this one time? Is this assistance being given as a gift with no expectation of repayment or is it being considered a loan with an expectation of being repaid? If you are expecting repayment, you need to be clear with this family about what the deadline is to repay the financial assistance," Griffin advised.
"The best way any person can ensure that the financial help you are providing to family members doesn't impact you negatively is to make sure you understand your own financial position first. If this person, who is considering providing financial assistance, already runs a tight financial budget, where they might be using credit cards to pay for basic needs, or are paying bills late, they should not consider assisting financially, as this is going to cause more difficulty to themselves," she added.
"A great way to protect your mental well-being is to have open and clear conversations with the family member who is asking for money as well as anyone that you currently share income and expenses with. This financial assistance should not be a secret and should be discussed openly and clearly with all individuals who will be impacted by providing or receiving this financial assistance. "
Image credits: benzoix (not the actual image)
"Individuals should be clear with themselves where to draw the line"
If the family member starts to take advantage of the person who extended a helping hand, they should reconsider their gesture of good will, says financial therapist Rahkim Sabree. "Individuals should be clear with themselves around how and in what ways they want to provide support to family members and where to draw the line. If they feel their financial support is being taken advantage of, then they could reconsider providing that support and seek to provide nonmonetary support, such as pointing the family member to resources where they can learn to help themselves."
"We must take care of ourselves first and safeguard our financial position so that it is not damaged by a family member who has become overly dependent on financial support," notes Griffin. "I would suggest letting other family members or friends know about the situation and the clear boundaries you have made. This should not be told negatively, but in a way that is showing the clear and firm boundary you are creating for this person, and also provides alternative options for this family member who is continually asking for help."
However, not everyone is in a financial position to help their family members. In this case, there are various ways they can provide support in other ways. "Teaching them better money management practices or pointing them in the direction of a qualified financial educator, providing moral or emotional support, connecting them with people in their network who may be able to help them advance in a certain area of their lives, providing temporary shelter or transportation if needed are among some of the ways to support family members in need. It's important to build and maintain community as a nonmonetary resource for family and friends," Sabree explained.
Some readers thought the person was right to kick out the brother-in-law
While others gave the author some tough love
