One of the go-to phrases we offer guests is, “make yourself at home.” But sometimes, our idea of home doesn’t quite match someone else’s.
This Redditor and his wife opened their doors to her friend, who was in the middle of a divorce. Along with her luggage, though, she brought a collection of strong room sprays and plug-ins that quickly filled the entire house with overpowering scents.
Frustrated, the man asked her to get rid of them, while his wife felt he was being rude and making their guest uncomfortable. Read on and decide for yourself who was really in the wrong.
The man and his wife opened their doors to her friend, who was in the middle of a divorce
Image credits: John Tekeridis (not the actual photo)
But instead of just luggage, she arrived with overpowering scents that he simply couldn’t stand
Image credits: Microstock_Growth (not the actual photo)
Image credits: drazenphoto (not the actual photo)
Image credits: amtcannon
Guest etiquette that keeps friendships and homes intact
In today’s fast-paced world of constant screens and notifications, the sense of community often feels like it’s slipping away. Our doors stay closed, our spaces private, and hosting someone can seem like a lost art.
That’s exactly why having guests over can feel so rewarding. Helping a friend in need, in particular, can be meaningful and even strengthen a bond. But it only works if the guest also respects the home and the people in it. Otherwise, what should be a kind gesture can quickly put strain on relationships.
So what does it take to be a thoughtful guest? Let’s look at some timeless etiquette rules that can make any stay smooth and pleasant.
Since your host is generously sharing their space, a small token of appreciation is always a good start.
“Hosting can be hard and involves a lot of work,” Myka Meier, founder and director of Beaumont Etiquette, told Better Homes & Gardens. “So it's always important to bring a small host gift to show appreciation for being invited.”
While many people think to give a gift at the end of their stay, Meier clarified that the proper moment is actually upon arrival. It doesn’t need to be lavish, just something thoughtful that reflects your host’s personality.
“A gift on arrival or departure is the least one can do to say thank you for being hosted in someone’s home,” added etiquette expert and consultant Jo Hayes.
The level of effort should also mirror the length of your stay. “The longer the stay or the more family you arrive with, the bigger the host gift should be to mirror the group or length of stay,” Meier explained.
But gifts aside, respecting house rules is just as important. Most hosts don’t want to spell them out formally—they want you to feel comfortable. Still, it’s polite to be mindful of their routines and preferences. And yes, leaving heavy scents behind in someone else’s home definitely counts as a faux pas.
“Showing gratitude and offering to lend a hand goes a long way in letting your host know you appreciate their hospitality,” Meier explained. That means asking about little things, such as:
- Quiet hours. While nighttime silence is a given, be mindful of naps if kids are in the house, or of “office hours” if your host works from home.
- Schedules. Knowing when others use shared spaces like the bathroom helps you plan around them.
- Temperature. If you’re cold or hot, ask politely about adjusting the thermostat or borrowing an extra blanket.
When staying with close friends or family, familiarity can sometimes tempt you into letting manners slip.
“It is easy to be snarky or plain rude with those we spend a lot of time with,” noted Mable Stewart, a certified etiquette and image consultant.
If that happens, the best fix is simple: apologize. Owning your slip-up and allowing your host to forgive graciously shows maturity and respect.
Finally, when your stay comes to an end, think about how to leave the room for your host. While it’s common to make the bed, those sheets will likely be washed anyway.
“It’s always thoughtful to ask your host if they’d like you to strip the bed at the end of your stay,” suggested Meier. “Some prefer to do it themselves, but others may appreciate the help.”
At the end of the day, being a good guest doesn’t require grand gestures. A little courtesy, awareness, and gratitude go a long way—and will leave your host genuinely glad they opened their doors to you.
Image credits: Binyamin Mellish (not the actual photo)
Many readers agreed the author hadn’t done anything wrong
Some, however, felt he was rude in how he handled the situation and the way he spoke about his wife’s friend
