Trust, honesty, transparency, and communication are absolutely fundamental in long-term romantic relationships. If you plan to get married to your partner, it only makes sense that there are no major secrets between you two. It can be shocking to learn that a loved one has kept a financial bombshell from you, when you previously thought you were both on the same page.
Redditor u/raspberi1 went viral on the AITAH subreddit and elsewhere online after opening up about an incredibly sensitive situation with his (now ex) fiancée. He shared how he wanted a prenuptial agreement with his future wife, and how he found out about her utterly massive credit card debt in the process. Scroll down for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
Any long-term relationship is in trouble if both partners aren't on the same page regarding the most fundamental questions
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An anonymous man turned to the internet for impartial advice after finding out that his fiancée had an astounding amount of debt that she kept secret
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After the story went viral, the author shared an update about the fallout that happened with his partner
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Credit card debt is, unfortunately, a fairly common problem that many people deal with in this day and age
Your partner asking you to sign a prenuptial agreement is not an indication that they don’t love or trust you. The contract is, essentially, a practical document that acknowledges the possibility that people can change and grow apart over the years and decades to come.
Though prenuptial agreements—aka prenups—are commonly associated with the very famous, rich, and powerful, ‘ordinary’ couples can get them as well. The main idea behind a prenup is that it’s supposed to set expectations for the marriage.
The contract is all about clarity and transparency regarding what happens to the couple’s money and assets if they get divorced, if one (or both) of them is unfaithful, or if one of them passes away.
Prenups are meant to be fair and voluntary. It’s important that you thoroughly read any contract before signing it and ask for clarification if any clauses sound ambiguous or go against your best interests. You may want your lawyer to take a look at the document as well.
According to Statista, credit card debt in the United States grew “at a fast pace” between 2021 and 2024. In 2024, the penetration rate of credit cards in the US was a whopping 67%. Credit cards are so popular in the country because of a culture of convenience, reward schemes, and consumers preferring postponed payments.
CNN reports that Americans are “having a harder time managing rising debt burdens.” In the fourth quarter of 2024, overall debt burdens (mortgages, auto loans, credit cards, home equity lines of credit, student loans) rose by 0.5% to $18.04 trillion (yes, ‘trillion’).
Credit card balances rose 7.3% from the fourth quarter of last year to $1.2 trillion. “Higher levels of household debt are to be expected as they can reflect factors such as population growth, strong economic conditions, holiday-related spending, and the rise of e-commerce. Plus, prices are significantly higher as inflation has run hot for nearly four years,” CNN writes.
Specifically, people in the US are having more difficulty dealing with credit card and auto loan debt. As per the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia, the share of credit card accounts where people made just the minimum payment rose to a 12-year high during the third quarter of 2024.
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It's absolutely vital to be on the same page about finances with your partner. Those discussions might be awkward, but they're necessary
Ideally, every couple is able to get on the same page regarding vital topics like budgets, debt, investments, income, savings, and career paths. However, you probably know from experience how awkward and uncomfortable even broaching these topics can be. Many people feel like talking about money with someone else is somehow ‘wrong.’
CNBC states that couples should aim to start financial discussions early so that they can align their goals and develop a strong foundation for a future together. There’s no ‘perfect’ time to talk about money-related questions; however, it’s best to tackle them before making big decisions like moving in together or getting engaged.
Likely, it won’t be just one single conversation: there will be many, focused on just one or two topics each time. You should consider making those discussions brief (for example, 45 minutes) and spacing them out to have a few days’ break between each one.
“That builds trust and also shows that you don’t have to know everything all at once when it comes to money,” financial therapist and marriage counselor Wendy Wright told CNBC.
Something to keep in mind is that you can put aside the word ‘money’ and hone in on the questions that lie deeper. “When someone is saying, ‘I’m stressed about money,’ they’re probably saying ‘I’m stressed that maybe I’ve made a mistake here,’ or ‘I’m stressed that I won’t be good enough,’” Wright explained.
According to her, each partner should aim to create a ‘money map,’ basically, a timeline of their financial plans, whether that’s an expensive vacation each year or saving a specific sum of money before they retire. It’s important not to judge each other for these goals. Once they are on the map, you can choose what to prioritize.
Wright notes that flexibility is very important when deciding who pays for what in the relationship. Having an open mind is essential. “It’s telling if someone is highly rigid around [finances] and they’re like ‘Oh I make 32.8% more than you, so I’ll pay that much more.’ We want more flexibility. We want to be able to talk about it and say, what are some other ways that someone can contribute?”
What are your thoughts on all of this, dear Pandas? How do you navigate money-related issues with your significant other? How would you react if you found out that your partner had a massive amount of debt that they’d kept hidden from you? What advice would you give the author of the viral post after he broke things off with his fiancée if you could speak to him face-to-face? Let us know in the comments below.
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Internet users were shocked by what they read. Many readers rushed to support and advise the author
