It’s said that you never really know someone until you live with them. And one couple discovered just that six months after moving in together. They’d made plans with each other so they could have some much needed quality time together. But what was meant to be a romantic dinner at home turned into a roaring drama recently, after the girlfriend spent the whole day bar hopping with her friends.
Both learned something about the other that they’re not quite sure they like. The boyfriend later wondered if he took things too far in retaliation to his girlfriend’s day drinking. So he took to the r/AmITheAsshole community to ask. Bored Panda reached out to him to find out where things currently stand in their relationship.
The guy had been working really hard and wanted to spend time with his GF, so they planned a romantic night in
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When his girlfriend went out for a boozy brunch and still wasn't back by dinner time, he had a date with his playstation instead. It didn't go down well.
Image credits: Michael Burrows / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: colddinner22
They've only been living together for six months and it seems the couple has quite a few issues they still need to iron out
"We started seeing each other a bit before Covid. Did not go official until Covid lockdowns ceded around Fall 2020," the OP told Bored Panda. He said it's not the the first argument they've had. "We have had larger arguments but never to the point where we ever suggested a break or breaking up."
It’s not uncommon for couples to argue during the first few months of moving in together. They’re adjusting to being in each other’s space, learning new things about each other. And in some cases, spending a lot more time together than they did before. Many therapists agree that communication is key. And compromise is also important in order to avoid "post-move-in problems".
Dr. Josh Klapow is a clinical psychologist. "If a partner wants to keep everything the same as when they were living alone (when they eat, how they eat, bedtime, wake time, hobbies, social life, responsibilities) and refuses to check in with you it can be a dealbreaker," Klapow told Bustle.
Another expert, psychotherapist Dr. Ana Sokolovic cautions couples not to take each other for granted. “Prioritizing and planning quality time and keeping relationship rituals (or creating them) is an important part of making a relationship work,” Sokolovic said.
The OP and his girlfriend did manage to plan some quality time but the issue came when one of them didn't stick to the plans
Further resentment arose when the girlfriend admitted she wanted her guy to be a bit more social. It turns out she isn’t the only woman who has that kind of wish. According to Psychology Today, men and women differ when it comes to how much time to they want to spend out and about. Women feed off their friendships. They often invest more time and effort into maintaining these relationships than men do. “Most men, on the other hand, don’t work as hard at their friendships,” wrote the online magazine. “It’s not that all men are socially detached; surely there are some who are more social than their wives, but that’s not the rule.”
The mag further states that while it’s healthy for partners to have separate social lives, it becomes a problem when one is often out alone. “If it becomes a habit, we’ve basically adopted the lifestyle of a single person—we might come to see ourselves less as a member of a couple, and we might come to feel less connected and committed to our relationship.”
The boyfriend told Bored Panda they didn't really discuss what they will do in the future. But he has taken her concerns into consideration. "We have social plans coming up for the next few weekends for college football and birthdays so I’m ready to be social," he said.
The OP didn’t say why they had decided to move in together or how much they'd discussed the big step
It could be possible they weren’t ready. Experts say on average, most couples shack up after one or two years of dating. But instead of thinking about the amount of time you’ve dated, they advise couples to consider where they are in the relationship. Before moving in together.
Marriage counselor, K'Hara McKinney says there are certain signs a couple is ready to share the same roof. "They have effective communication about their feelings, wants, and needs and are able to effectively problem-solve together and develop successful outcomes," McKinney told Brides magazine. "They're also able to 'partner' together. Partnering looks like taking a fair and equal distribution of the work required to help your lives function—even if that's not exactly 50/50."
The OP said he was surprised by how many people suggested his girlfriend was cheating. "Also the people who really don’t think what she did was an issue at all and saying it happens," he added. He also said he didn't agree with all the people who said his girlfriend was an alcoholic. "I don’t think going out with your friends in mid-twenties like she did should classify her as an alcoholic," he told us.
"NTA, your GF is": Most people agreed the girlfriend was wrong with some calling her childish, rude and disrespectful
