Every parent is different, and they’re all just doing the best that they can for their children. As long as their little ones are loved unconditionally and taken care of, they’re succeeding. Yet for some reason, the internet loves inserting their opinions on other people’s parenting methods, and the latest hot topic is whether or not we should be kissing our kids on the lips.
The father who unintentionally found himself at the heart of this conversation is TikToker Tom_leeds, who recently shared a video that gained much more attention than he expected. Below, you’ll find a few of Tom’s posts, as well as a conversation with him and some of the reactions viewers have shared.
After sharing a video where he kissed his young son on the lips, this father received much more attention than he expected
You can see Tom's initial video that sparked this conversation right here
"Where to start with this one? I put up a video of me and my little boy. I kiss him on the lips. He's five years old. And that is what she picks up on. That is what she finds worrying."
Image credits: tom_leeds
"I find it worrying that it bothers you, right. I will kiss my son, my five-year-old child on the lips for as long as I deem necessary, and as long as he lets me, right. 'Cause I will love him to bits and he's my best pal. And one day, he won't want me to. And he probably won't want much to do with me. So for now, I'll carry on as I am."
Image credits: tom_leeds
After noticing some negative reactions that his video received, Tom began defending his parenting choices
"Right. Pause this video and read this gem. So the logic here is, if I kiss my 5-year-old, he will think that he can go off and it's okay to kiss strangers, strange adults, obviously."
Image credits: tom_leeds
"So let's apply that logic. I can't have him in my car anymore to take him places, because he could get in a stranger's car and think that's normal. He can't live in my house anymore, because, well, he could just walk into a stranger's house and think that that's normal. Or we could... Now hear me out. We could teach him that he's got a mummy and a daddy and kissing them is normal, but kissing dodgy Barry down the road is a bit weird. Let's do that."
Image credits: tom_leeds
He went on to explain why there's nothing wrong with children kissing their parents
"To think that you can tell a loving father not to show his son affection at just 5 years old is a very scary and worrying comment"
When choosing how to raise their children, there are a million different decisions parents have to make. And when it comes to how to show affection to their little ones, moms and dads simply do what they feel is best. But this particular topic seems to have long been a controversial one. In 2016, Victoria Beckham faced backlash for sharing a photo on Instagram kissing her young daughter on the lips, and a handful of other celebrities have responded to criticism for showing the same intimacy with their own kids.
We reached out to Tom, the father who shared these videos online, to hear what his reaction was when his TikToks went viral, and he was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. “My first reaction to the couple of strange comments regarding kissing my child was exactly what I responded to be honest, that I will just carry on as I am,” Tom shared. “To think that you can tell a loving father not to show his son affection at just 5 years old is a very scary and worrying comment, it says more about that person than it does about me.”
Considering how apparent Tom’s love for his son is through his videos, we asked why he thinks people got so hung up on the kissing. “I don't understand, and I am glad I don't, why giving your child a peck on the lips or him giving me one is anything but the love between a father and his young son,” Tom says. “My sons (Roman & Raphael) are my best friends, along with their amazing Mummy Brooke, so no one will ever stop me showing them how loved they are.”
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
"Maybe concentrate on helping those [who grow up feeling unloved], instead of trying to pull down a proud father loving his young child"
Thankfully, however, Tom has noticed that the videos received many more positive reactions than negative ones. “I really appreciate every positive comment that has come, even though I am struggling to respond to them all,” he told Bored Panda. “The ones that stand out are the ones from other fathers saying they do the exact same and will never stop.”
Tom also added that this topic doesn’t need to be a topic of conversation at all. “So many kids grow up in homes where they feel unloved and not listened to,” he noted. “Maybe concentrate on helping those, instead of trying to pull down a proud father loving his young child and showing his kids every day how amazing they are.”
According to Annalisa Barbieri at The Guardian, the reason some people might take issue with parents being this close to their children is because it’s something they never got to experience. “Some people – me included [in the past] – can find the intimacy between a parent and a child threatening,” Barbieri writes. “It makes them feel left out. That is what I felt in that moment. I recognize it now when I hear criticism about any sort of perfectly ordinary, loving behavior between an adult and a child. It’s really not about them at all. It’s about you.”
Image credits: Zhivko Minkov (not the actual photo)
As long as a parent and child are equally comfortable with showing affection, no one else's opinion on their choices should matter
Sydney-based clinical psychologist Heather Irvine-Rundle also believes it's outrageous to tell parents they can't kiss their young children. “It absolutely does not take into account a special relationship that parents have with their children and the non-sexual nature from which that particular behavior comes,” she told News.com.au. “It also fails to take into account cultural issues as well. We know we come from a culture in which the idea of cheek-kissing and lip-kissing is something that’s kind of OK, but if you move to northern parts of the UK and particularly in parts of Scotland, that’s a really comfortable thing for people to do even into adulthood. It’s not sexual at all, and I think the fact that it’s something we’re happy to do in public means that there’s nothing sinister about it.”
Some commenters on Tom’s videos mentioned concerns about bacteria being spread to children through kissing on the mouth. According to Dr. J Pediatric Dentistry, this might be a valid concern, as many dentists warn that cavity-causing bacteria can easily be spread to our children. However, other habits that plenty of parents are guilty of, such as blowing on their children’s food, sharing utensils with their children and sharing food, can be much more harmful than kissing if moms and dads are infected with the bacteria that commonly causes tooth decay.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
With cultural differences and a variety of opinions among parents and experts around the globe, it appears that the only people who can decide whether or not parents and children should be kissing on the lips are the parents and kids themselves. If you feel comfortable kissing your little one on the lips, and they enjoy sharing that closeness as well, there's nothing wrong with it, regardless of what viewers on TikTok have to say. We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments below, pandas. Did you kiss your parents or your children on the lips? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing a similar topic, look no further than right here.
While Tom's videos received mixed reactions, the vast majority of viewers agreed that the love him and his son share is beautiful
