In a fantasy book set in Ancient Greece that I read many-many years ago, the authors noted that people, unlike gods and other immortal heroes, are the only creatures capable of sacrificing not others, but themselves. Now, in the 21st century, we still sacrifice our time, energy, and abilities - but does anyone actually appreciate this sacrifice?
Today, we're going to tell you a story from the user u/loudrain99, who was faced with the difficult challenge of being a caregiver for his disabled elder sister. And who truly feels torn between love for his sis and pity for his life, which, alas, is going South the most dramatic way...
More info: Reddit
Taking care of your relatives is a great responsibility but a great sacrifice as well – and sometimes no one actually appreciates it
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is a 27-year-old man who is a guardian of his disabled elder sister who had health issues after undergoing brain surgery decades ago
Image credits: loudrain99
Image credits: A.C. / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The sister is physically capable but can't drive due to poor eyesight and has some other related activity limitations
Image credits: loudrain99
Image credits: Aedrian Salazar / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The man really loves his sis but he's in despair as he clearly sees as taking care of her actually gets his entire life go awry
Image credits: loudrain99
Recently they had a spat over this and the man voiced his thoughts in return of her reproaches and guilt-tripping, ending up with her storming out
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 27-year-old man and has been the official guardian for his elder sister for several years. Now 37 years old, she underwent surgery for brain cancer as a child and is now fully physically capable, but due to the aftereffects of the surgery, she has poor eyesight, is unable to drive, and is unable to properly care for herself too.
Our hero, his disabled sister, and their another sis, slightly older than the author, all live in their late parents' house. And it seems their older sister is perfectly happy with this arrangement. The other siblings dream of a career, a family and kids - but, sad as it is to realize, their sister gets in the way of these plans.
For example, the OP, in addition to working in fast food, has been trying his hand at stand-up comedy for many years - and quite successfully. From time to time, he’s invited to various shows in other cities - and each time, his sis clearly expresses her displeasure at being left alone. When the guy wanted to move to Austin with his friends to work as a comedian, she didn't even want to hear about moving.
Recently, the author even lost it after another reproach from the sister and told her everything that was in his mind. For example, that he and his other sis wanted to have a life outside their family home too, and that it was unfair for her to blame them for this. She got upset and stormed out to her room, and the OP, left feeling frustrated, decided to ask people online for advice.
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Well, the first thing we can say to the original poster is that he’s actually far from alone in this situation. At least, the recent survey conducted by the Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research found that the caregiving situation in the US is hopelessly far from ideal. For example, 25% of respondents admitted that they've cut back on their own retirement savings.
The study also found that 41% of caregivers surveyed have dipped into their personal savings, and about a quarter spend 40 or more hours per week on caregiving. As we can see, the situation is quite sad, and the author is in fact relatively lucky that his sister doesn't require more extensive care; otherwise, he’d be in a much more difficult financial situation.
In fact, the question of ethical support for family caregivers has been raised in our society long before the birth of the OP. For example, the author of this study, published on PubMed in 1988, notes that caregivers can be socially isolated. "If heroic demands are to be made on family members, a richer moral culture is required, not just the provision of improved social services," the scientist says.
Most people in the comments under the original post just agreed that he’s completely innocent of the current case, and that both he and his another sister have every right to live their own lives. So the older sister could’ve realized this and actually helped her siblings instead of guilt-tripping them. Well, do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
Many commenters gave the man their sincere support and sympathy, claiming that he actually deserves to live his own life
