Organizing your own wedding can be an extremely stressful thing to do. So it helps immensely if your family, friends, and significant other are there to lend you a helping hand. What you don’t want is for your nearest and dearest to spark dramas and add to the stress already heaped on your shoulders.
Redditor u/Inside_Register3070, who is getting married to his boyfriend, turned to the net for advice after a huge fight with his mom and dad. The OP didn’t feel comfortable about his parents wanting to bring their lover, ‘Dave,’ to his Big Day, and called them out for it. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda reached out to the author of the post via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
Usually, it's bad manners to invite extra guests to a wedding without the happy couple's approval
Image credits: Oliver Li (not the actual image)
A man got into a massive fight with his parents because he didn't want their lover at the ceremony
Image credits: Antony Trivet (not the actual image)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
Image credits: Inside_Register3070
The man was supportive of his parents' choices, however, he also wanted his boundaries to be respected
The OP’s story made a huge splash on the internet, and many redditors were happy to share their advice with him. The vast majority of readers were on u/Inside_Register3070’s side and pointed out that his parents were being particularly unreasonable.
They suggested that the groom tell his parents that they’re definitely welcome to come to the wedding. However, their lover is not. While the OP is very supportive of his parents’ relationship, he does admit that it makes him feel uncomfortable. The fact that ‘Dave’ is roughly his age, lives in his old room, and is a complete stranger didn’t make things any less bizarre for the redditor.
For those not in the know, a polycule is a network of consensually non-monogamous relationships. ‘MBG Relationships’ explains that all of these relationships are connected to each other in some way.
Polycules can function like family groups for people in polyamorous relationships. Not everyone in a polycule has to be romantically, emotionally, or sexually involved with every other member of the group, though they might be. How each polycule is structured will depend entirely on what the group is comfortable with, and there is no ‘right’ way to structure it.
Temporarily setting aside the somewhat complicated romantic situation, the author’s parents essentially wanted to take control of the guest list. Instead of honoring their son’s wishes to only have the people that he and his fiancé care about at the celebration of love, they thought that they had the right to bring whomever they want.
Guests should strive to respect the marrying couple's wishes
The issue is that, yes, the OP’s parents clearly care about ‘Dave.’ Their son, however, does not. And, in his opinion, what’s supposed to be the happiest day of his life should not involve his parents’ lover—a man he has no ties with, whatsoever. This begs the question of where the happy couple should draw the boundaries for whom to invite. If they made it clear that there are no plus-ones, then it’s up to the guests to respect those boundaries.
Pressuring the couple to expand the guest list isn’t fair to anyone. Especially if it’s the OP and his significant other who are paying for the wedding itself, and if they’ve been clear about who’s invited from the very get-go.
Ideally, everyone’s going to go along with the rules. However, if they ask whether they could bring an extra guest or children to a child-free wedding, calmly but firmly explain that it isn’t possible. If you feel that it’s a particularly sensitive issue, you could always host a small dinner party at a later time where you can meet up with all the people who wanted to come but whom you, sadly, couldn’t invite.
Obviously, if you have the budget for it, it’s a godsend to have a wedding planner who can soak up all emotional fallout from your guests. Though if you don’t, the key thing to remember is to stand strong, stick to your principles, and be consistent with your rules. If you have a strict budget in place, use that information as an excuse as to why you can’t have even one additional guest come.
If nobody’s bringing a plus-one, then there’s no leeway for anyone, no matter how ‘unique’ their situation. So long as you do your best to be kind and communicate well, you should be in the clear. If your guests get upset that they can’t dominate the event, then that’s on them. You are not responsible if they don’t like your perfectly reasonable rules. It is your wedding after all. Though you’re showing that you care about your guests, you can’t cater to their every whim and fancy.
The author of the post clarified a very important point
Most readers were on the groom's side and shared some useful advice
