The first stages of sharing a living space can be tricky for any couple. After the initial excitement of moving in together and purchasing matching robes, you might suddenly notice a laundry list of pet peeves your significant other is guilty of. Or perhaps you start spending your days staring at their wall art that you simply despise…
One man, who’s currently staying at his girlfriend’s place, recently detailed on Reddit how much he can’t stand her decor. Now, he’s wondering if he was a jerk for telling her why he won’t invite colleagues over, so below, you can find the full story, as well as a conversation with Dr. Lee Baucom.
This man has been staying with his girlfriend while his apartment is being worked on
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
But apparently her decor is not up to his aesthetic standards, so he refuses to invite anyone over
Image credits: HorribleMeatloaf (not the actual photo)
Image credits: decordilemma (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, it's quite common for couples to quarrel over interior design
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)
Compromise is crucial in all aspects of a healthy relationship. You and your partner might not see perfectly eye to eye on where you want to live, where you want to spend the holidays, which car you want to purchase, and what to make for dinner, but if you love each other and respect each other enough, you can always come to a decision. However, one topic in particular that seems to have many couples arguing is interior design. In fact, 60% of British couples admit to having fought over it. Thankfully, many of them are willing to bend on the issue though, as 70% say they could sacrifice a room to allow their partner space to decorate to their quirky heart’s desires.
Women do tend to call more of the shots in interior decorating, as 56% say they are completely in charge of their home’s design, compared to only one fifth of men. Men are even 5 times more likely to leave interior design completely up to their partners. But there are also certain items that are more likely to cause quarrels between couples. According to a survey from Mattress Online, when it comes to what the most hated interior features are in the bedroom, 38% of women mention sports memorabilia, while 26% of men can’t stand glam furniture.
Nearly a fifth of men are also bothered by having too many pillows, but both men and women equally agree that wall typography is a no-go. And in the living room, half of all men hate seeing fake plants or fruit, while a third of women don’t want to lay their eyes on any gaming equipment. 56% of people admit that they would consider hiding a piece of their partner’s furniture if they didn’t like it, and 40% say they would put off moving in with someone until they removed an ugly piece of home decor.
"The problem is not just her taste, it is her that is being rejected"
Image credits: Jack Sparrow (not the actual photo)
So what are you to do when you love your significant other but you’ve considered burning down the apartment just to eliminate that recliner they’ve had since college? To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to relationship coach and marriage expert Dr. Lee Baucom, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. "Our homes and our furnishings — our 'things' — are not just representatives of what we like. They are extensions of ourselves. We are attached to our decorations because they are a part of ourselves," Dr. Baucom noted.
"Don’t like my taste? That is a rejection of me, too, which is why home remodels are often such points of disagreement. And why mixing homes when people move in together, becomes so touchy," the relationship expert continued. "Who’s 'self' gets to stay and who’s 'self' is kicked to the curb. In this case, the girlfriend is feeling it. The problem is not just her taste. It is her that is being rejected. It is her that is being seen as immature, not just her furnishings."
We also asked Dr. Baucom how couples can respect one another's preferences and create a space that feels at home for both of them. "When a couple moves in together, being aware of both comfort and that the decor is part of the self, can lead to an open discussion about what is important and what is not," he shared. "If the goal is blending lives together, the question is no longer about 'your stuff versus my stuff,' but how do we make it 'our' place?"
"He was not willing to be on her side, loving her for her personality, quirks and all"
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
As far as this particular couple, Dr. Baucom says that the OP missed the fact that rejecting the decor was insulting his girlfriend. "He thought it was just stuff. But it was 'her.' The interesting thing is he hides behind the 'first impression' excuse," the relationship expert added. "In these gatherings, it is coworkers. They already know him. Also, he has done the same thing as she in the decor. He was seeing it as an extension of himself. It was his girlfriend’s. And at the root, he was not willing to be on her side, loving her for her personality, quirks and all. He was more worried about what people might think of him. He made her stuff all about him."
"Stuff is never just stuff," Dr. Baucom added. "We know that about our own 'important stuff,' but forget it when we think it is 'just stuff' for someone else. Being aware helps us see beneath the surface, to the inner life of other people."
We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man was wrong to feel embarrassed of his girlfriend’s decor? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing similar relationship drama, look no further than right here. And if you'd like to gain more insight or guidance on your own relationship, be sure to visit Dr. Baucom's site, Save The Marriage, right here!
Readers were quick to side with the girlfriend, reminding the man that adults are allowed to have fun too
