Even relationships that look like they’ve got a solid foundation can start to rock like a ship in a storm when it comes time to discuss finances. Money is a very touchy subject. And people can have very strange reactions when they learn that you earn more than them. They might, for instance, decide that it’s time you started paying for half of their mortgage.
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That’s exactly what happened to redditor u/BusinessSubstantial7, a social media manager. Her doctor boyfriend was shocked to learn that she earns 150% more than he does. And she works much shorter hours, too. That’s when he decided that she should be pitching in and paying for his mortgage. However, she refused, but then turned to the AITA subreddit to hear their advice. Keep in mind that this doesn't mean that she doesn't contribute in other ways.
Internet users reacted very differently when they read the post. Some thought the woman was right to refuse her boyfriend's request. However, others thought that she should do more to help out financially. Have a read through the redditor’s post and share your thoughts in the comments. Do you think that the woman should have paid half the mortgage or did she do the right thing by sticking to her principles? Let us know.
Financial expert Sam Dogen, the author of 'Buy This, Not That: How To Spend Your Way To Wealth And Freedom,' shared some of his thoughts with Bored Panda on pitching in financially when you're in a long-term relationship.
"In an equal relationship, the contribution to expenses should be pro-rated based on how much each person earns. For example, if one person earns $200,000 and the other person earns $50,000, then the higher-income person should pay 80% of the expenses," he said. "However, in this case, if the mortgage is in his name and he owns the property, there's no reason for the girlfriend to pay more than half. She doesn't get any of the equity upside!"
Romantic partners can have very peculiar reactions when they learn that the love of their life earns far more than they do
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
One woman turned to the AITA subreddit for advice after sharing what happened when her boyfriend found out about her large income
The author of the post stressed the fact that it's paying the mortgage that she has an issue with, not helping out financially
Bored Panda was also interested to get financial expert Sam's take on how someone can deal with their sense of jealousy which can rear its head when someone finds out their loved ones and friends are earning more than them.
"If you truly love someone, you should be happy for their success. Their success is your success. Use their success as motivation to make more money yourself. At the end of the day, you're a team. So look at the combined household income and work towards enlarging it together," Sam, who runs the Financial Samurai blog, told Bored Panda.
"As for being jealous of your friends, that's a harder feeling to overcome. There is no equality of outcome in life. We just have to do our best and accept the results. If they are truly your friends, I'd ask them for advice on how to make more and be better as well. If they aren't willing to help you, then they aren't really your friends!" he said. If you'd like to learn more about the average net worth for the above average married couple, you can check out Sam's article on his blog, Financial Samurai, right here.
Keep in mind that the author of the Reddit post explained that she theoretically doesn’t mind paying rent and that she has no problem helping out around the house, cooking, and cleaning. She is supportive of her boyfriend and understands that he has a grueling job.
However, her issue is with the idea itself that she ought to be paying half the mortgage. In other words, her principles won’t allow her to do this because she wouldn’t get the house if they ever broke up. She would most likely take a very different approach if they were already married or had a clear contract about who gets the property if they ever broke up. Redditors from the AITA community had very different opinions on the woman's approach to things.
Something that the redditor and her partner seem to have worked out without a hitch is dividing up the chores. Housework can actually be a very big bone of contention in relationships: one partner might feel like they’re doing all the work while the other might not be pulling their weight.
Relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of the Modern Man, explained to Bored Panda earlier that avoiding important conversations about dividing up housework can build up resentment and lead to unnecessary arguments.
“Housework used to be seen as women’s work only, due to a man traditionally being the breadwinner and the woman staying at home all day. Yet, in today’s society, if both the man and woman are working, it’s more fair, loving, and respectful for both of them to contribute to keeping the house clean. On the other hand, if a man is the sole breadwinner and the woman stays home all day, many people would agree that she should do most or even all of the housework. That said, no one actually ‘has to’ do anything in a relationship,” he told us.
“A woman shouldn’t ever force a man to do housework and a man shouldn’t force a woman to do it either. Instead, the couple should honestly agree on what they feel is fair and then go with that. If it feels unfair to one of them, resentment will build up, arguments will happen and they will feel less connected and happy as a couple,” the expert shared.
People had mixed reactions to how the woman refused to pay half of the mortgage. Here's what some of them had to say
