Few things will rock your relationship as drastically as cheating. The person who has been betrayed might be incredibly confused about their partner’s motives, and the cheating partner may be racked with guilt over their actions. It takes a lot of work to repair a marriage that’s been tainted by infidelity, and it requires full honesty from both parties.
One man reached out to Reddit for advice after a bombshell was dropped on him about his wife. He knew that she had cheated, but he had no idea how deep her affair went until years later. Below, you’ll find all of the details that he shared online, as well as some of the replies concerned readers left him.
This man was determined to repair his marriage after finding out that his wife had cheated
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But when more details about her affair emerged years later, he began to rethink their entire relationship
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About one in five people have cheated on a partner
When a couple gets married, they should take their vows extremely seriously. By committing to be someone’s husband or wife, you’re promising to stand by their side during all of life’s challenges. It’s natural for any relationship to have ups and downs, and as much as we might not like to admit it, everyone faces temptations. But if you’re serious about your marriage and loving your partner, it’s important to always choose them first.
Unfortunately, however, we know that plenty of people betray their vows at some point. Life is complicated, and humans certainly aren’t perfect. PR Newswire reports that 23% of men and 19% of women have cheated on a partner at some point. And over two thirds of men, as well as 53% of women, who have cheated on their spouse have done so more than once.
When it comes to why wives cheat on their husbands, women cite a variety of reasons. Angela Skurtu, M.Ed, LMFT, told Brides that one reason for this is that women have a lot of expectations for their marriages.
“We expect happiness, [intimacy], best friends, and more out of it,” Skurtu explains. “We have put a lot of pressure on marriage when it wasn't originally designed to meet all your needs."
Meanwhile, it can be challenging for women to accept that their relationship will change over time.
“We tend now to seek a partner who can match one's sense of emotional intelligence, intellectual curiosity, career achievements, general outlook on life and desire for a certain lifestyle, as well as [physical] compatibility and interest, all of which are extremely difficult to sustain as our life stage and roles evolve over time," psychotherapist Christie Kim, LMHC, LPC, told Brides.
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Repairing a marriage after infidelity requires effort from both spouses
The stress of life, feeling dissatisfied in the marriage, having low-self esteem, feeling a lack of excitement, feeling lonely, or having a midlife crisis can all contribute to a woman’s desire to cheat. She might also just take advantage of an opportunity to cheat that’s come her way, or she may be trying to dumb painful feelings.
However, none of these excuses justify betraying a partner. They may explain the behavior, but there’s no question that being cheated on can be a devastating experience for the other spouse to go through.
Repairing a marriage after infidelity is never easy. In fact, between 20% and 40% of divorces are linked to cheating. So if you want to move past this, it’s going to take plenty of effort from both spouses.
Because of this, the Mayo Clinic recommends not making any decisions right away. It can be hard to think clearly when you’ve just been hit with earth-shattering information like the news of an affair. Take time to process, and don’t make any rash decisions.
At the same time, the spouse who has cheated must take accountability for their actions. If they don’t show remorse and prove to their partner that it will never happen again, there’s no chance of saving the marriage.
It’s usually a good idea to seek professional counseling as well. Getting advice from an experienced therapist or counselor can help both partners communicate clearly and understand how to rebuild their relationship. The most crucial piece of the puzzle is repairing trust. So if both parties commit to doing so, the marriage stands a chance. If not, it might be time to call it quits.
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Readers shared some harsh truths with the author, noting that it'll be impossible to ever trust his wife again
